So it's yet another day that I desperately wish Zido was here
already. I feel awful today and I'm so tired of living in this world of
"if". "If" I'm going to pass out. "If" I'm going to make it through the
day. "If" I'm just a normal kind of sick. "If" it's all in my head. I
just pray that when I have Zido by my side, I won't have to question it
anymore because he should know. He's going to be my personal guardian
angel :)
So I'm working on the packet that I have to fill out
before I head to training! Canine Partners makes sure that you're not
just some random person that doesn't know what it means to own a dog.
Man, they test you on your stuff. We have to read 2 books and take
quizzes for them as well as watch a video and take a quiz on that. I'm
almost done with the first book (The Culture Clash) and it's really interesting. Kind of difficult to read at first, but it gives you a whole new insight into the minds of dogs.
Earlier
today, I posted on my Facebook page an interesting article that I read
that was actually written by a woman who received a dog from CPL.
It's
about the reasons WHY other people are not allowed to pet or distract a
service dog that is working. I think a lot people think that the owner
is just being selfish or possessive when they tell someone that they
aren't allowed to pet their service dog. But in actuality, if you talk
to or distract a service dog in any way, the dog isn't paying attention
to their human which could really result in bad things for the human.
For me, if you were to say "Oh hi Zido! Who's a good boy? Wanna play?",
he would turn his attention from me and could potentially miss an alert
which would be a really big problem for the distractor...
Now
these dogs are incredibly trained and have learned how to ignore outside
stimuli, but one of the major things that I have learned throughout
this process is that Zido is A DOG. Seems kind of "duh", but sometimes
we put so much faith and trust that a service dog will never fail, and
we forget that when it comes down to it, they are still dogs. They
aren't robots and they can't be expected to act like ones. That's what
we love so much about our service dogs is that they have all the emotion
and fun of a regular dog because they ARE dogs.
Alright, well I'm going to go rest so thank you for reading today
Saturday, August 30, 2014
Monday, August 25, 2014
The Value of Support
Hey guys! So like I said, I'll be posting every few days or so until I bring Zido home, because as of now, there isn't much to say!
Yesterday while I was sitting in church, I had what you could call an epiphany in regards to community support. The message was about human nature and that we are all sinful beings, so I'm not exactly sure WHY support came to mind, but I would really like to share some of my thoughts on it. One of the reasons I did not open up about my disease earlier was that I feared that I would not be supported. I thought I was going to be seen as different and people would not try to get to know who I was, but would rather only be interested in what I had. Through this whole "announcing to the world" thing, I have been SHOCKED at the amount of support I have received. Not just through financial needs, but emotional and spiritual support as well. My friends and family have been nothing but accepting and kind with this new stage in my life that I'm about to enter into with Zido. There have been strangers from across the world that have messaged me and sent me support. And I mean people that I have never met and probably never will meet. But the people that I have found to be the most supportive have been the ones at my church. Now that seems like something that should be a "duh" thing, right? Like, of COURSE your church will be supportive of you in your times of need and weakness! But sadly, that's not always the case.
I used to go to a church that I thought was heaven sent. I felt like I connected and that I was needed. I felt like my talents were what led to me knowing a lot of people. I thought it was through our mutual love of Christ that I was supported at that church. But I was wrong. It was because of the people that I knew and the things I could do FOR the church that led to many of the people knowing me. It was because I had a great ability to hide hurt from the outside world that I was accepted into many factions of the church. But sadly, the second I lost the person that I knew that connected me to the church, almost all of the people that I thought were my friends turned on me and haven't spoken to me since. I thought they loved me for me, but it turned out they liked me for who I knew. My entire family was treated this way once my relationship was cut short. And the worst part is that I don't think the people of that church will ever know how devastated I was and how hurt my family was to be treated like that. This was supposed to be the body of Christ. The people that support you in thick and thin and help you find your way back from the pit. But my experience was that when I started to show signs of temptation and struggle, I was blocked out. I still have a few friends from that church that have maintained a relationship with me, and I will always be grateful for the love that they showed me.
Which is why I am so thankful for the church family that I have found at New Hope Church. They accept everyone, no matter what their background is or what their struggles may be. They have never left someone in a pit, because it's at that point that you need someone the most. The church is here to lead people to Christ and to support each other, no matter the problems we face. And I know as I walk into this new stage with Zido and face all the difficulties that will come with it, my church family will be there to support me through it all.
Yesterday while I was sitting in church, I had what you could call an epiphany in regards to community support. The message was about human nature and that we are all sinful beings, so I'm not exactly sure WHY support came to mind, but I would really like to share some of my thoughts on it. One of the reasons I did not open up about my disease earlier was that I feared that I would not be supported. I thought I was going to be seen as different and people would not try to get to know who I was, but would rather only be interested in what I had. Through this whole "announcing to the world" thing, I have been SHOCKED at the amount of support I have received. Not just through financial needs, but emotional and spiritual support as well. My friends and family have been nothing but accepting and kind with this new stage in my life that I'm about to enter into with Zido. There have been strangers from across the world that have messaged me and sent me support. And I mean people that I have never met and probably never will meet. But the people that I have found to be the most supportive have been the ones at my church. Now that seems like something that should be a "duh" thing, right? Like, of COURSE your church will be supportive of you in your times of need and weakness! But sadly, that's not always the case.
I used to go to a church that I thought was heaven sent. I felt like I connected and that I was needed. I felt like my talents were what led to me knowing a lot of people. I thought it was through our mutual love of Christ that I was supported at that church. But I was wrong. It was because of the people that I knew and the things I could do FOR the church that led to many of the people knowing me. It was because I had a great ability to hide hurt from the outside world that I was accepted into many factions of the church. But sadly, the second I lost the person that I knew that connected me to the church, almost all of the people that I thought were my friends turned on me and haven't spoken to me since. I thought they loved me for me, but it turned out they liked me for who I knew. My entire family was treated this way once my relationship was cut short. And the worst part is that I don't think the people of that church will ever know how devastated I was and how hurt my family was to be treated like that. This was supposed to be the body of Christ. The people that support you in thick and thin and help you find your way back from the pit. But my experience was that when I started to show signs of temptation and struggle, I was blocked out. I still have a few friends from that church that have maintained a relationship with me, and I will always be grateful for the love that they showed me.
Which is why I am so thankful for the church family that I have found at New Hope Church. They accept everyone, no matter what their background is or what their struggles may be. They have never left someone in a pit, because it's at that point that you need someone the most. The church is here to lead people to Christ and to support each other, no matter the problems we face. And I know as I walk into this new stage with Zido and face all the difficulties that will come with it, my church family will be there to support me through it all.
46 days left!!!!!!!
Love and blessings,
Zee and Me
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
Change of Blogging Plans
Hey everyone! So I had originally said that I am going to try to post everyday, but the funny thing with having to post everyday is that you need to have something to say everyday! And until I get Zido home with me, there isn't really much to update you guys on. So I'm going to start making posts every few days with any updated information.
Thank you to everyone who continues to read this. It's really fun to have a blog and know that there are just a few people out there who care about what you have to say.
Today's update: I've officially started shopping for him! I think I've found his collar (it is oh so important to get the PERFECT design) and I've started getting his grooming supplies, too! Loving Amazon's reduced prices on stuff, but I'm still looking for any places in my area that give discounted rates for Service Dogs. If any of you know of any places in the Springfield, VA area, please let me know!
Love and blessings,
Zee and Me
Thank you to everyone who continues to read this. It's really fun to have a blog and know that there are just a few people out there who care about what you have to say.
Today's update: I've officially started shopping for him! I think I've found his collar (it is oh so important to get the PERFECT design) and I've started getting his grooming supplies, too! Loving Amazon's reduced prices on stuff, but I'm still looking for any places in my area that give discounted rates for Service Dogs. If any of you know of any places in the Springfield, VA area, please let me know!
Love and blessings,
Zee and Me
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
About Me
So I have been getting a few questions about what disease I have and what Zido will be able to do for me. Both of these have incredibly complicated answers, so I will try to simplify them as much as I can.
So 10 years ago, I started having issues with having "flu" like activity every 3 months for about a week and a half. During that week, I would have to be hospitalized and given fluids since I was so dehydrated (I couldn't even produce tears, that's how dehydrated I would get). At this point, my family lived in Japan and since Japan didn't have the necessary medical services I needed in order to figure out what was wrong, the military would send my parents and I to Hawaii every 3 months to see a doctor at Tripler (I know...darn...). Well we found out that I had a disease in my stomach and esophagus, but it was predicted that with time, the disease would change from stomach "migraines" to head "migraines", which they most definitely did. About a year and a half after I was diagnosed, the military decided to send us back stateside so that my family can live in an area that has a good hospital to care for me, because in 2005 I lost consciousness for the first time. I was out for about 5 minutes and kept going out after I was ambulanced to the hospital.
So once we got to DC, I went to see a neurologist at Children's Hospital and he found that I have neuropathy, meaning that I can't feel my feet and I'm losing feeling in my hands. And that's what started a full neurological work up. During this time, I continued losing consciousness and the amount of time I was out was continuing to increase. My doctor started doing a bunch of different tests that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy (nerve conduction-where they electrocute my nerves to see my lack of reflexes-was by far the worst) and he brought in more doctors onto my team. They eventually found that I have, as I've mentioned before, an autonomic disease but that I don't fit into any of the known autonomic diseases. I have bits and pieces of each (like extreme body temperature changes and not having reflexes in my arms or legs, feeling light headed every time I stand up, digestive issues, etc) but that means I don't have one specific one. And that's kind of where we're at with the whole diagnosis stuff.
What this means is that at random points, I will just go out. It happens whenever my body goes through stress of any kind (finals, sister's wedding, moving back to school, everything) and I will be out for quite a while. While I'm out, my breathing and blood pressure will plummet and my heart rate will sky rocket. I've been triaged with fixed and dilated pupils, but I've obviously woken up from all of them. My family and I say it's kind of like my body "Control-Alt-Deleting" itself. So what will Zido be able to do? Well, the basic answer is that he can sense about 10-15 minutes before I go out, and he will alert me so that I can either find some place safe (i.e. not standing in the middle of a parking lot) or so that I can lay down. The dogs each come up with their own sets of alerts, ranging in levels of trying to catch our attention. From what I understand, Zido will first lick me to grab my attention. If that doesn't work, I've been told he kind of just tries to make his way on top of my body in order to get me down. While other dogs have about 3 alerts, Zido kind of jumps from his first to his ultimate. But maybe once he gets to know me, that could change. I'm excited to learn what his alerts are! Then, from what I understand, after he alerts me and I have sat down, he will just kind of keep watch over me until he believes my heart rate is at a safe rate and then he will let me get back up. What's going to be weird is that he's going to know long before I do that something's going on, and I'm going to have to learn to just trust him and not say "But I feel fine!"
So those are some of the things he will do for me during an episode, but his job also covers day to day activity. For example, he will learn to take off my socks and pick stuff up off of the ground so that I don't have to bend over and stand up, which will help me not feel light headed. When we walk together, and I hold onto his harness, he is also trained to walk a little bit ahead of me so that he kind of pulls me while we walk. That slight pull will help to release some of the energy that my heart has to give for me to walk, so my heart doesn't have to work as hard.
Well I hope that this answers some of the questions that people have been asking. I enjoy the questions and if you have any more, please feel free to leave a comment and ask!
So 10 years ago, I started having issues with having "flu" like activity every 3 months for about a week and a half. During that week, I would have to be hospitalized and given fluids since I was so dehydrated (I couldn't even produce tears, that's how dehydrated I would get). At this point, my family lived in Japan and since Japan didn't have the necessary medical services I needed in order to figure out what was wrong, the military would send my parents and I to Hawaii every 3 months to see a doctor at Tripler (I know...darn...). Well we found out that I had a disease in my stomach and esophagus, but it was predicted that with time, the disease would change from stomach "migraines" to head "migraines", which they most definitely did. About a year and a half after I was diagnosed, the military decided to send us back stateside so that my family can live in an area that has a good hospital to care for me, because in 2005 I lost consciousness for the first time. I was out for about 5 minutes and kept going out after I was ambulanced to the hospital.
So once we got to DC, I went to see a neurologist at Children's Hospital and he found that I have neuropathy, meaning that I can't feel my feet and I'm losing feeling in my hands. And that's what started a full neurological work up. During this time, I continued losing consciousness and the amount of time I was out was continuing to increase. My doctor started doing a bunch of different tests that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy (nerve conduction-where they electrocute my nerves to see my lack of reflexes-was by far the worst) and he brought in more doctors onto my team. They eventually found that I have, as I've mentioned before, an autonomic disease but that I don't fit into any of the known autonomic diseases. I have bits and pieces of each (like extreme body temperature changes and not having reflexes in my arms or legs, feeling light headed every time I stand up, digestive issues, etc) but that means I don't have one specific one. And that's kind of where we're at with the whole diagnosis stuff.
What this means is that at random points, I will just go out. It happens whenever my body goes through stress of any kind (finals, sister's wedding, moving back to school, everything) and I will be out for quite a while. While I'm out, my breathing and blood pressure will plummet and my heart rate will sky rocket. I've been triaged with fixed and dilated pupils, but I've obviously woken up from all of them. My family and I say it's kind of like my body "Control-Alt-Deleting" itself. So what will Zido be able to do? Well, the basic answer is that he can sense about 10-15 minutes before I go out, and he will alert me so that I can either find some place safe (i.e. not standing in the middle of a parking lot) or so that I can lay down. The dogs each come up with their own sets of alerts, ranging in levels of trying to catch our attention. From what I understand, Zido will first lick me to grab my attention. If that doesn't work, I've been told he kind of just tries to make his way on top of my body in order to get me down. While other dogs have about 3 alerts, Zido kind of jumps from his first to his ultimate. But maybe once he gets to know me, that could change. I'm excited to learn what his alerts are! Then, from what I understand, after he alerts me and I have sat down, he will just kind of keep watch over me until he believes my heart rate is at a safe rate and then he will let me get back up. What's going to be weird is that he's going to know long before I do that something's going on, and I'm going to have to learn to just trust him and not say "But I feel fine!"
So those are some of the things he will do for me during an episode, but his job also covers day to day activity. For example, he will learn to take off my socks and pick stuff up off of the ground so that I don't have to bend over and stand up, which will help me not feel light headed. When we walk together, and I hold onto his harness, he is also trained to walk a little bit ahead of me so that he kind of pulls me while we walk. That slight pull will help to release some of the energy that my heart has to give for me to walk, so my heart doesn't have to work as hard.
Well I hope that this answers some of the questions that people have been asking. I enjoy the questions and if you have any more, please feel free to leave a comment and ask!
52 days 23 hours 12 minutes 11 seconds until Team Training!!!!!!
Thank you so much for reading and I promise to be better about writing!
Love and blessings,
Zee and Me
Monday, August 18, 2014
Late One
Hey everyone! I'm so sorry for not writing a post today. I've been working both jobs since 7 this morning so it's been pretty hectic. Also, the funny thing about having a blog and wanting to write everyday is that you need to have something to talk about everyday...and for being someone who LOVES to talk, I'm surprised at how difficult that is...
Well tomorrow, I promise to write a better blog, but for now I will just tell everyone good night and that I just watched my video with Zido one last time before falling asleep. I can't wait for the day when I can just cuddle up to him before falling asleep and waking up with his wet nose in my face. I seriously can't get enough of that pooch :)
Love and blessings,
Zee and Me
Well tomorrow, I promise to write a better blog, but for now I will just tell everyone good night and that I just watched my video with Zido one last time before falling asleep. I can't wait for the day when I can just cuddle up to him before falling asleep and waking up with his wet nose in my face. I seriously can't get enough of that pooch :)
Love and blessings,
Zee and Me
Sunday, August 17, 2014
My Day with Zido
Hey everyone! I went to go see Zido on Friday and I put together a little video of our day. Thank you so much to those of you that donated so that I can have days like this with Zido everyday :) I hope this video gives you a better look into what his personality is like. Note that he does not have his harness on, so he's a little more playful and "naughty" (as my mom lovingly put it) than he would be if he was all dressed. Enjoy :)
**Note: I don't have rights to the song in the background, so I can't make it available for mobile devices! Make sure you look at it on a computer to be able to see it!**
Saturday, August 16, 2014
To the Zoo!
My boyfriend, Niko, is surprising me with a day at the zoo! I'm so excited!! Even though I've lived in the DC area for 8 years, I've never been to the National Zoo! We're sitting on the metro now and I just can't stop thinking about what dates like these are going to look like when I have Zido at my side.
I mean, for one, we definitely won't be just another couple on the metro. So that'll be different. But aside from what OTHERS think (because seriously...who really cares) I'm more interested to see how my relationships with others change after Zido comes home. Niko will have to get used to having a third wheel with us on all of our dates. My friends will have to get used to a dog listening to all of our conversations but not being able to pet or distract him. My family will have to get used to having another dog around the house but not being able to really play with him. My point is, it's not just my life that's going to be different. I just can't wait for the day that it's not weird to see Zido at my side.
I'm excited for my new life I start in 56 days and 5 hours!!! Thank you so much to everyone that donated! In just 1 week, you all gave me $4000 to completely bring Zido home!
Love and blessings,
Zee and Me
Friday, August 15, 2014
Hi it's Zido!!
Well hey there everybody! My name is the great, the amazing, the oh so adorable...ZIDO! And I always have to remind people it's not Zeedo...it's Zido!
Pretty handsome right?
Yeah, I know. I was adorable.
I was raised in what's called a "Community Home". For the first year of my life, a very lovely mom and daughter loved me and cuddled me and gave me all the treats and obedience classes I needed before going to The University of Canine Partners for Life. That's where they taught us the real stuff.
Well I asked Mom if I could write tonight because hey I've never done it before and I thought it would be fun. Also I wanted to let you all know about what has made me ME!
Well it all began 2 years ago on April 10, 2012. It was that day that the world was blessed with my presence.
I'm not really sure exactly how many brothers and sisters I have, but I know I have at least 3 full brothers and 1 half brother. But see, we are what you people call "bred" so my family tree is actually kind of like a bush.
Here's a picture of me and Mom and my brother, Stephen, and his human ,Sam.
So during my 2nd year, I lived at CPL and learned how to help people. I think it's really fun because I love having something to do. It feels good knowing that my super duper sniffer can do stuff that'll help someone someday.
Speaking of "someone" I met my mom last week and it was pretty cool! I was with another woman for about a month, and while she was super sweet and fun to be with, we just didn't really work together as well as we could. So she lovingly decided to bring me back. Where I met mom.
Now, I think she's pretty cool and all and she definitely caught my attention with her migraine that first day. But she's just not my Annie. Annie is my trainer and I love her so much. But I know I have to start listening to Mom soon, just not yet ;)
Ew. Mom. Stop. You're embarrassing me.
Anyway, I'm excited for when I start going through training again with Mom! It'll be fun to learn about her weirdness and show her mine! She learned at class today that I LOVE stuffed toys. But not just the toy part...I love the STUFFING! I killed that bunny rabbit!
So I don't really know how to explain how I do what I do, but I just have a super powerful sniffer and it sniffs things you people can't sniff. Like migraines and brain freakiness. And when I smell it, I just can't help but lick the person to warn them it's going to happen! I mean it's for their own good.
Well, I've had a long day of playing and playing and more playing, so I'm going to go rest before dinner. Mom's told me all about what you guys have done for us and I just personally want to say thank you! You're helping me go home :)
Goodbye for now but not forever!
Zee :)
Songs for my New Life!
Okay I can't be the only person that listens to songs and immediately applies them to different situations in my life. Well it's no different with this experience with Zido! This entry will be short because Zido has asked to write an entry later tonight after we spend our day together! You're assignment for today is to listen to the songs I'm about to list and try to think of them in my shoes :)
Okay so after I applied for a dog and found out I was placed on the waitlist, the song that I felt related most was Michael Buble's "Haven't Met You Yet". Perfect.
Then after I was told that Zido had been chosen for me, I realized it didn't really have anything to do with me choosing him. It was all him choosing me. So naturally, the song is Sara Bareilles's "I Choose You". Told, of course, from Zido's point of view.
Finally, there have been a few songs that have stood out to me as contenders to represent my future life with him. Since I know he will always be there for me and love me no matter what, Katy Perry's "Unconditionally" and Rascal Flatts's "Won't Let Go" are so perfect for my feelings.
Okay go enjoy those songs and check back in later tonight for Zido's first entry!
Love and blessings,
Zee and Me
Thursday, August 14, 2014
Behind the Smile
On Monday night, we all learned about the death of beloved comedic actor, Robin Williams. I think that will be one of those moments that I will always remember exactly what I was doing: reading Ambassador applications in my kitchen when I heard my mom say "Oh my gosh no..." He was so much more than an actor to many of us, he was a source of joy and laughter.
There's one thing that I've heard or read multiple times since his passing: "But he was so funny..." Many people have been writing about the consequences on the general public of his death, but I want to focus on his life for a little bit. Yes, Robin Williams was funny. He could take a serious role and add one line to give it some humor. But what many people don't realize is that sometimes, it's the ones that are the funniest that have the most pain. And it's in that way that I feel I can relate to Mr. Williams.
If there's one thing that I can be proud of, it's that I have the ability to make people laugh. Whether it's through a comment I've made or by me being just plain stupid in front of someone, I know that I can get a chuckle out of them. My sister has recommended that I go into the stand up comedy business, but I'm thinking that might be just a dream for now. The thing is, I don't just enjoy hearing a laugh; I LOVE seeing and hearing and experiencing everything that goes into someone completely letting go and laughing. The snorts. The gasping for breath. All of the things people might be embarrassed about, I love. And I especially love knowing that I did something to get someone to that point. I never really thought of it as more than just a sarcastic ability that I had, but when I was talking with my best friend, Ally, about it one day, she pointed out that making people laugh can be seen as a talent that God has given me. I never really thought of it as a God given gift, but she was telling me about how I can use it to make people feel happy and calm them; something that God wants for all of us.
The thing is, I guess I haven't always been funny. I mean, I thought I was, but my sister told me that wasn't necessarily true. I guess I kept all the funny thoughts in my head... I used to be INCREDIBLY shy. It would take extreme bribery for me to even show up and talk in front of a group of people. Anyway, my sister and I were talking about this one day and she said "You know, Courtney, you didn't start getting funny until you started getting sick." (Let me preface this by saying my sister was a psych major...so you can imagine all the psychological evaluations she must have been doing on me during my life...) She told me that she believed I started gaining a sense of humor as a way to fight back against my disease. Making light of it might have given my brain a way of coping with such a change in my life. A few years after my diagnosis, I started really understanding what my condition meant. And it scared me. We hadn't been told that I wouldn't grow out of it at this point, but I knew my life would be changed forever. While I didn't suffer from clinical depression, I felt a sense of loss and anger that I had never felt before. I was angry with God because I didn't deserve this. I was a good person, I did the right things. I was mad that my siblings didn't seem to have this. I mean, what did I do wrong? For the first time, and only at the age of 10, I lost control of my own body, what many of us think is the only thing we have control over. The angrier and more sad that I got, the funnier my jokes were and the more sarcastic I became. It really was my brain's way of protecting myself FROM myself. I felt that if I was funny, no one would think there was anything wrong with me. I could hide my hurt and fear behind a sense of humor. And it worked!
It has actually kind of turned itself around and rather than acting as a shield from the outside world, my sense of humor has served as a way of bringing the outside world in. It's allowed me to see the humor and joy in my situation and kept me from thinking so negatively about all of it. But it doesn't change the amount of fear I feel, it just helps me cope.
So yes, Robin Williams was one of the funniest men to ever walk this earth. He had the charisma that could make any man laugh, and he will always be remembered for that. But please, don't think that just because someone is funny that that means they aren't hurting.
I get to see Zido tomorrow and I couldn't be more excited! Stay tuned because a little puppy told me that he might be interested in writing tomorrow's blog :)
Love and blessings,
Zee and Me
There's one thing that I've heard or read multiple times since his passing: "But he was so funny..." Many people have been writing about the consequences on the general public of his death, but I want to focus on his life for a little bit. Yes, Robin Williams was funny. He could take a serious role and add one line to give it some humor. But what many people don't realize is that sometimes, it's the ones that are the funniest that have the most pain. And it's in that way that I feel I can relate to Mr. Williams.
If there's one thing that I can be proud of, it's that I have the ability to make people laugh. Whether it's through a comment I've made or by me being just plain stupid in front of someone, I know that I can get a chuckle out of them. My sister has recommended that I go into the stand up comedy business, but I'm thinking that might be just a dream for now. The thing is, I don't just enjoy hearing a laugh; I LOVE seeing and hearing and experiencing everything that goes into someone completely letting go and laughing. The snorts. The gasping for breath. All of the things people might be embarrassed about, I love. And I especially love knowing that I did something to get someone to that point. I never really thought of it as more than just a sarcastic ability that I had, but when I was talking with my best friend, Ally, about it one day, she pointed out that making people laugh can be seen as a talent that God has given me. I never really thought of it as a God given gift, but she was telling me about how I can use it to make people feel happy and calm them; something that God wants for all of us.
The thing is, I guess I haven't always been funny. I mean, I thought I was, but my sister told me that wasn't necessarily true. I guess I kept all the funny thoughts in my head... I used to be INCREDIBLY shy. It would take extreme bribery for me to even show up and talk in front of a group of people. Anyway, my sister and I were talking about this one day and she said "You know, Courtney, you didn't start getting funny until you started getting sick." (Let me preface this by saying my sister was a psych major...so you can imagine all the psychological evaluations she must have been doing on me during my life...) She told me that she believed I started gaining a sense of humor as a way to fight back against my disease. Making light of it might have given my brain a way of coping with such a change in my life. A few years after my diagnosis, I started really understanding what my condition meant. And it scared me. We hadn't been told that I wouldn't grow out of it at this point, but I knew my life would be changed forever. While I didn't suffer from clinical depression, I felt a sense of loss and anger that I had never felt before. I was angry with God because I didn't deserve this. I was a good person, I did the right things. I was mad that my siblings didn't seem to have this. I mean, what did I do wrong? For the first time, and only at the age of 10, I lost control of my own body, what many of us think is the only thing we have control over. The angrier and more sad that I got, the funnier my jokes were and the more sarcastic I became. It really was my brain's way of protecting myself FROM myself. I felt that if I was funny, no one would think there was anything wrong with me. I could hide my hurt and fear behind a sense of humor. And it worked!
It has actually kind of turned itself around and rather than acting as a shield from the outside world, my sense of humor has served as a way of bringing the outside world in. It's allowed me to see the humor and joy in my situation and kept me from thinking so negatively about all of it. But it doesn't change the amount of fear I feel, it just helps me cope.
So yes, Robin Williams was one of the funniest men to ever walk this earth. He had the charisma that could make any man laugh, and he will always be remembered for that. But please, don't think that just because someone is funny that that means they aren't hurting.
I get to see Zido tomorrow and I couldn't be more excited! Stay tuned because a little puppy told me that he might be interested in writing tomorrow's blog :)
Love and blessings,
Zee and Me
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
Another day
Hey everyone! I'm sorry for the late posting for today. It's another day of not feeling that great, but I've also had to work both jobs all day. I just wanted to once again say thank you so much for everyone that has been giving me this chance to live a life with Zido. Whether it's those of you that are reading this blog, or those of you that have financially donated to our fund, but especially to those of you that have just been incredibly supportive of this journey I'm starting on.
I have been nothing but blessed throughout this entire time. Both of my jobs and Mason Ambassadors have been supportive and excited for me to come home with him. I've mentioned how awesome George Mason University is, but I have really been experiencing it over this last week. The professors that I've emailed about missing their classes have been nothing but helpful and supportive. Housing understands my need to cancel my room for this semester since I'll only be at 6 credits, and they have helped me figure out how I can try to get into the room with my same roommates for spring semester. My roommates are just plain excited to have a dog in their room, even if they can't pet or interact with him (sorry about that again ladies :)...). And if that's not enough, in just 5 days my GoFundMe account has reached $3,290. It's unbelievable. Basically, God's hands have been surrounding me this entire time and reassuring me that this is the plan He has made for me. I was scared to announce to everyone that I have this condition, but all of your support has shown me that I should have done this years ago!!
I wanted to end this entry with a question for anyone who is reading this who has or has had a service dog. Please, comment and just let me know: how exactly has your life changed? What have you found that you weren't expecting? Basically, I feel like a woman who is about to become a mother for the first time, and I have no freaking clue what I'm doing. For the first time, I'm going to need to think about another being's needs without being able to communicate with them verbally. It seriously feels like I'm having a kid! But (as Danielle put it), "at least they don't talk back as much" :) Love that girl.
Okay I look forward to hearing your answers!
Love and blessings,
Zee and Me
I have been nothing but blessed throughout this entire time. Both of my jobs and Mason Ambassadors have been supportive and excited for me to come home with him. I've mentioned how awesome George Mason University is, but I have really been experiencing it over this last week. The professors that I've emailed about missing their classes have been nothing but helpful and supportive. Housing understands my need to cancel my room for this semester since I'll only be at 6 credits, and they have helped me figure out how I can try to get into the room with my same roommates for spring semester. My roommates are just plain excited to have a dog in their room, even if they can't pet or interact with him (sorry about that again ladies :)...). And if that's not enough, in just 5 days my GoFundMe account has reached $3,290. It's unbelievable. Basically, God's hands have been surrounding me this entire time and reassuring me that this is the plan He has made for me. I was scared to announce to everyone that I have this condition, but all of your support has shown me that I should have done this years ago!!
I wanted to end this entry with a question for anyone who is reading this who has or has had a service dog. Please, comment and just let me know: how exactly has your life changed? What have you found that you weren't expecting? Basically, I feel like a woman who is about to become a mother for the first time, and I have no freaking clue what I'm doing. For the first time, I'm going to need to think about another being's needs without being able to communicate with them verbally. It seriously feels like I'm having a kid! But (as Danielle put it), "at least they don't talk back as much" :) Love that girl.
Okay I look forward to hearing your answers!
Love and blessings,
Zee and Me
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
How to Make God Laugh
It's funny; you know, I've always heard that the best way to make God laugh is by telling Him that you have a plan. Well He must have been hooting and hollering these last few years as I TOLD Him what my future would look like.
For as long as I can remember, I have been that kid that loves school. You can ask my mom, my favorite time of year is when new school supplies come out! I've always been good at school and I love learning. The only problem is that I kind of grew into becoming a perfectionist when it came to school. All the way back to elementary school, I HAD to win the "cleanest desk" award. I HAD to be on the A/B Honor Roll. I HAD to get into my first choice school. I HAD to graduate in 4 years and take all the credits I can handle.Well God has taken this experience with Zido and turned all of that around.
In order to succeed with a service dog, you HAVE to admit you need help. To me, that meant I had to admit to myself and the world around me that I'm not perfect and I don't have it all together. Do you know how hard that is to admit for a perfectionist? God has even used him to show me a new side of school. Because I have to go up to Pennsylvania for 3 weeks, I have decided to drop down to 2 classes for this semester. That will give me less work to have to make up, resulting in less stress, resulting in a healthier start for Zido and I. This might seem like an easy decision for some people or an exciting decision. To me, it was terrifying. It meant that I am choosing to put myself behind and that I may have to go an extra semester. THAT DIDN'T FIT MY PLAN.
But I know that it was always His plan. He's teaching me that it's ok to ask for help. It's ok to take a little time to finish something sometimes. It's ok to not be "perfect". Essentially, it's ok to not have a plan. As long as you choose to live your life in a way that will bring His plan to fruition, then you're going to have a pretty great life.
Thank you again for those of you that have been donating to Zido and me at http://www.gofundme.com/croj9. It's hard to believe that in 4 days you all have given me $2825. Thank you thank you thank you!
Love and blessings,
Zee and Me
Monday, August 11, 2014
Oh the People You Will Meet!
Over these last few days, I've been really thinking about how my life has and will change since being placed with Zido. I mean I'll NEVER be able to blend into the crowd again. People will probably think I'm blind if I dare wear sunglasses. Strangers are guaranteed to label me before they say one word to me. And to be perfectly honest, that scares me. I'm used to being able to blend or even hide in the background sometimes. I'm used to being able to put in my headphones on the metro and no one thinks twice of me. But in just 61 days 7 hours 16 minutes and 27 seconds (no one's counting...), my entire world will be flipped upside down.
I've caught myself getting pretty anxious about this when I think of it that way. But thankfully, I have met some AMAZING people that have helped me realize that my world will be flipped, but I won't stop living. In fact, I'll be able to live in ways that I never have before.
The first person that I met through this process was a woman named Toni. We ran into her THE DAY AFTER I ever heard about Canine Partners at the Panera by my house. I noticed her dog had a harness on that said "Canine Partners for Life" and my jaw dropped. No way after 24 hours of even knowing about this company would I run into someone who actually has a dog from them. I got Toni's attention and she sat with my mom and me for 45 minutes answering every question we had about the process and about life with a dog. The amazing thing is that she lives in my local area, so I know I will have a support group right around me whenever I need it. Also, I found out that her dog, Bud, and Zido have the same mom! So they're half brothers! Chills.
The next amazing woman I met was Caitlin. I've mentioned her and her dog Forest in a previous post. Caitlin was the one who gave me my first tour of CPL and after she asked me what my story was, she explained that her condition is incredibly similar to mine. She was the first person that I have ever talked to who completely understands that going to Target is like asking to almost faint! *Sidenote: we have no idea why Target sets us off. We think it's the reflection of the lighting off of the floor. Not bashing Target. I love them. Seriously...Target is a college girl's best friend* If that wasn't cool enough, Forest actually alerted me during our tour of the facilities. He sensed my heart rate and wouldn't let me walk until it calmed down. That was the moment my mom, sister, and I knew that this was real and this needed to happen.
There has been one girl, though, that I know has shaped this entire experience for me to be something that is both exciting and amazing. Her name is Danielle, and I met her and her dog, Rollo, in June when I went up to observe Team Training. I've asked her if I could talk about her and Rollo because she has been so influential in my journey with Zido.
Danielle has been living with two conditions: cataplexy and narcolepsy. I've heard parts of her story and it is so humbling and amazing. In fact, Rollo is actually the first dog that CPL has trained for these conditions! Danielle is an upcoming senior in high school down in Georgia and she is by far one of the wisest and sweetest girls I have ever met.
I about cried when I read that. She has taken what God has given her and when regular people would sit back and complain, she has gotten up and lived. Danielle, you are seriously a huge inspiration for me and I can't wait to get to know you more and hopefully set up a time for Rollo and Zido to get together again (they used to be kennel mates!).
Well that's about it for now. Thank you so much to everyone who has been following my blog and for those of you that have made donations for Zido and I. In just 2 days, you have gotten me almost half way to my goal! Words cannot express how grateful I am :)
Love and blessings,
Zee and Me
I've caught myself getting pretty anxious about this when I think of it that way. But thankfully, I have met some AMAZING people that have helped me realize that my world will be flipped, but I won't stop living. In fact, I'll be able to live in ways that I never have before.
The first person that I met through this process was a woman named Toni. We ran into her THE DAY AFTER I ever heard about Canine Partners at the Panera by my house. I noticed her dog had a harness on that said "Canine Partners for Life" and my jaw dropped. No way after 24 hours of even knowing about this company would I run into someone who actually has a dog from them. I got Toni's attention and she sat with my mom and me for 45 minutes answering every question we had about the process and about life with a dog. The amazing thing is that she lives in my local area, so I know I will have a support group right around me whenever I need it. Also, I found out that her dog, Bud, and Zido have the same mom! So they're half brothers! Chills.
The next amazing woman I met was Caitlin. I've mentioned her and her dog Forest in a previous post. Caitlin was the one who gave me my first tour of CPL and after she asked me what my story was, she explained that her condition is incredibly similar to mine. She was the first person that I have ever talked to who completely understands that going to Target is like asking to almost faint! *Sidenote: we have no idea why Target sets us off. We think it's the reflection of the lighting off of the floor. Not bashing Target. I love them. Seriously...Target is a college girl's best friend* If that wasn't cool enough, Forest actually alerted me during our tour of the facilities. He sensed my heart rate and wouldn't let me walk until it calmed down. That was the moment my mom, sister, and I knew that this was real and this needed to happen.
There has been one girl, though, that I know has shaped this entire experience for me to be something that is both exciting and amazing. Her name is Danielle, and I met her and her dog, Rollo, in June when I went up to observe Team Training. I've asked her if I could talk about her and Rollo because she has been so influential in my journey with Zido.
Danielle has been living with two conditions: cataplexy and narcolepsy. I've heard parts of her story and it is so humbling and amazing. In fact, Rollo is actually the first dog that CPL has trained for these conditions! Danielle is an upcoming senior in high school down in Georgia and she is by far one of the wisest and sweetest girls I have ever met.
Here's her baby, Rollo. Just adorable!
Last night, Danielle and I were messaging about life, dogs, and school. I was asking her questions about how her life has changed and if she has really found a difference in her conditions since coming home with Rollo. And this is what she said:
"The biggest thing is that I know he is there for me. He is there to help me down and back up after my attack. He is laying next to me when I cannot move. He is there and will not leave my side. I am not scared anymore to go out. I am not scared anymore to take a nap in public in fear I won't wake up to my alarm because I know he will. He has brought me peace. He has given me my confidence back so when my friends invite me to go out to the football game I will go and not worry about when and where my next nap or attack will be and if someone will think I'm drunk or hurt me or take advantage of me. Rollo will be there."
I about cried when I read that. She has taken what God has given her and when regular people would sit back and complain, she has gotten up and lived. Danielle, you are seriously a huge inspiration for me and I can't wait to get to know you more and hopefully set up a time for Rollo and Zido to get together again (they used to be kennel mates!).
Well that's about it for now. Thank you so much to everyone who has been following my blog and for those of you that have made donations for Zido and I. In just 2 days, you have gotten me almost half way to my goal! Words cannot express how grateful I am :)
Love and blessings,
Zee and Me
Sunday, August 10, 2014
Can't Wait for my Boy :)
It's days like today that I wish I could have Zido at my side already. Sitting in church, completely still, and all of a sudden I can feel my heart rate starting to climb. And by sitting, I mean doing absolutely nothing. Just listening. I pull out my phone for my heart rate app and sure enough my reading is 100bpm. I try taking some breaths but I feel like I just ran a marathon. 30 minutes later (still sitting) the reading is 104bpm. The lights in the room get brighter and I can't focus. 15 more minutes...114bpm. 3 minutes...107bpm. Legs up and thinking about the most calming thoughts I can muster: holding Zido. Watching a funny movie with my boyfriend. Anything. 20 more minutes and it's back down to 97bpm.
That's the life I live. I can be eating a cracker and I feel like a triathlon champ. The thing is, I've never run a mile in my life...much less a triathlon. My heart literally can't handle it. While most people have dreams about flying, I dream about running nonstop. Wind in my hair, looking like a Baywatch Lifeguard style running. Who knows? Maybe there will be a day when Zido and I can take a little jog around a lake...or we can just have a picnic by a lake...we'll see :)
Remember to please watch/share my fundraising video and thank you again to all of you who have donated!
Love and blessings,
Zee and Me
All I Can Say is Wow
I have absolutely no words that even come close to expressing how incredibly grateful I am for all of you. Over the last 48 hours of having this blog, there have been 1378 views (and they weren't all my mom!!!) And in 24 hours you all have blessed me with $1245 for my Zido fund. That means the $1000 I pledged for him has been provided. All I can say is there will never be anything I can do to thank you all enough. But I can promise you that I will live a life with Zido that will make all of you know your donations were for a great team.
I'll try to write more later! I'm about to be in church!
Love and blessings,
Zee and Me
Saturday, August 9, 2014
Official Video!
Please please please share it on any social media source you have. I can't thank you all enough for the incredible kindness everyone has shown me. 2 days and already over 1000 views of this blog! More than I ever imagined. Again, any donation can be made at http://www.gofundme.com/croj94
Love and blessings,
Zee and Me
Slow and Steady
"For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end—it
will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it
will not delay." Habakkuk 2:3
So I've posted this verse on my Facebook page a couple times in regards to my condition. The first time I posted it was in January and it was because one of my doctors FINALLY gave me a diagnosis. It almost didn't seem real. I mean, THAT was the moment my family and I had been waiting for for 10 years. Later that day, I saw this verse and I thought it was perfect. I had waited. I had persevered. I had done everything right when it came to being patient while waiting for a diagnosis. The official diagnosis he gave me was POTS and he told me that normally people have grown out of it by the time they are my age, but he has definitely seen cases of patients who have it into their 40s. But the point was, there was going to come a day that I wouldn't have it anymore.
But one month later, my team of doctors actually "undiagnosed" me with it. In a way. They explained that I exhibit the signs of POTS, so that could serve as part of my condition, but it wasn't the whole condition. They told me based off when I started showing the symptoms and that it has gotten worse over time, they believe that it is a genetic thing. Which means a couple things: 1. I won't grow out of it and 2. since no one in my family has shown signs of this before, either my parents both carried this super rare gene OR I could have "mutated" during my formation. That's right people...we finally have an explanation for why I am oh so very weird. I am a mutant. Comforting right?
My parents and I talked about it after the fact, and we all admitted that we had a feeling POTS wasn't the end all, be all. But we had been waiting so long to hear ANYTHING that as soon as we got a name, we wanted to hold on to it.
So where do we go from here?
My doctors are trying to get me into NIH's Undiagnosed Diseases Program to be a guinea pig for research. Which means I could totally get a disease named after me! I told my doctor I wanted to name it "Fainting Goat Syndrome" (go look it up...now.) Needless to say, he kinda ixnayed that one pretty quickly. But it's my disease....I should be able to name it right? :)
That same day I found that verse again and it had a whole new meaning to me. I especially noticed the "awaits its appointed time" and "if it seems slow" parts. God has always had a plan for me and a time for everything. It's just not my time yet for a diagnosis. And that's okay because it IS my time for some help.
My friend, Danielle, and I were talking about how a service dog really is an answer to prayer and feels like a reward for perseverance. I am no where near perfect when it comes to how I've waited and waited for an answer. I've been angry with God and people around me. I've been scared at the growth of my condition. I didn't trust that God gave me this for a reason. But as time went by, I started to see a different side to it. I saw the people I have met because I started getting sick. My family wouldn't be in this area if I hadn't needed medical care. My sister wouldn't have met her husband (yeah you're welcome Kaitlyn...just saying). I might not be at Mason. But most importantly, I wouldn't have the blessing of Zido. Maybe I'll never get an official name for what's going on, but you know what? I will have a dog that loves me and takes care of me regardless of if I have an answer. And THAT is the "vision" I think this verse was talking about.
Well, I think that's enough for now. Real quick, I wanted to say that I would love for this blog to be interactive. Please feel free to post comments or questions and I will happily answer them. All of the words of support and love have been an incredible blessing and I can't thank you guys enough. Also, I'll be posting a video later today (hopefully) for my fundraising but I have finally set up my GoFundMe! If you feel led to donate, the site is http://www.gofundme.com/croj94 (excuse the replica of my first post as the explanation section...). If you can't donate, that is totally okay! Please continue your thoughts and prayers because they are definitely working :)
Love and blessings,
Zee and Me
So I've posted this verse on my Facebook page a couple times in regards to my condition. The first time I posted it was in January and it was because one of my doctors FINALLY gave me a diagnosis. It almost didn't seem real. I mean, THAT was the moment my family and I had been waiting for for 10 years. Later that day, I saw this verse and I thought it was perfect. I had waited. I had persevered. I had done everything right when it came to being patient while waiting for a diagnosis. The official diagnosis he gave me was POTS and he told me that normally people have grown out of it by the time they are my age, but he has definitely seen cases of patients who have it into their 40s. But the point was, there was going to come a day that I wouldn't have it anymore.
But one month later, my team of doctors actually "undiagnosed" me with it. In a way. They explained that I exhibit the signs of POTS, so that could serve as part of my condition, but it wasn't the whole condition. They told me based off when I started showing the symptoms and that it has gotten worse over time, they believe that it is a genetic thing. Which means a couple things: 1. I won't grow out of it and 2. since no one in my family has shown signs of this before, either my parents both carried this super rare gene OR I could have "mutated" during my formation. That's right people...we finally have an explanation for why I am oh so very weird. I am a mutant. Comforting right?
My parents and I talked about it after the fact, and we all admitted that we had a feeling POTS wasn't the end all, be all. But we had been waiting so long to hear ANYTHING that as soon as we got a name, we wanted to hold on to it.
So where do we go from here?
My doctors are trying to get me into NIH's Undiagnosed Diseases Program to be a guinea pig for research. Which means I could totally get a disease named after me! I told my doctor I wanted to name it "Fainting Goat Syndrome" (go look it up...now.) Needless to say, he kinda ixnayed that one pretty quickly. But it's my disease....I should be able to name it right? :)
That same day I found that verse again and it had a whole new meaning to me. I especially noticed the "awaits its appointed time" and "if it seems slow" parts. God has always had a plan for me and a time for everything. It's just not my time yet for a diagnosis. And that's okay because it IS my time for some help.
My friend, Danielle, and I were talking about how a service dog really is an answer to prayer and feels like a reward for perseverance. I am no where near perfect when it comes to how I've waited and waited for an answer. I've been angry with God and people around me. I've been scared at the growth of my condition. I didn't trust that God gave me this for a reason. But as time went by, I started to see a different side to it. I saw the people I have met because I started getting sick. My family wouldn't be in this area if I hadn't needed medical care. My sister wouldn't have met her husband (yeah you're welcome Kaitlyn...just saying). I might not be at Mason. But most importantly, I wouldn't have the blessing of Zido. Maybe I'll never get an official name for what's going on, but you know what? I will have a dog that loves me and takes care of me regardless of if I have an answer. And THAT is the "vision" I think this verse was talking about.
Well, I think that's enough for now. Real quick, I wanted to say that I would love for this blog to be interactive. Please feel free to post comments or questions and I will happily answer them. All of the words of support and love have been an incredible blessing and I can't thank you guys enough. Also, I'll be posting a video later today (hopefully) for my fundraising but I have finally set up my GoFundMe! If you feel led to donate, the site is http://www.gofundme.com/croj94 (excuse the replica of my first post as the explanation section...). If you can't donate, that is totally okay! Please continue your thoughts and prayers because they are definitely working :)
Love and blessings,
Zee and Me
Friday, August 8, 2014
Can't Sleep
I've been up for hours now (and it's only 7:30am...) just reading through everyone's comments and thinking about how incredibly blessed I am for all of you. Words can't describe the appreciation I have for how accepting everyone is!
I figured I might take the time to explain more about when I met Zido. CPL called me to say that they had a dog that they wanted me to meet. He was a super sweet boy who's previous partner had to give him back to the organization for personal reasons. So of course I planned the SOONEST moment that I could meet him. They didn't tell me his name or anything about him...just that we should meet.
Now I'm going to pause this for a second to see if anyone has been on a blind date before? And I mean BLIND date. Like you don't know who this person is but your friends think you would be great together? Well that's kind of what this was like.
Anyway so my dad and I drove the 2.5 hours up to CPL and about an hour away, I started getting a migraine. Perfect timing, right? I thought to myself "Man I wish I could have a dog that would alert me to these,too. But I'm getting a cardiac alert dog so he/she probably wouldn't sense migraines too..."
Well we finally arrived and I practically jumped out of the car before it fully stopped. Migraine or not, I'm meeting this dog! I walked into the office (which is really in a little house) and one of the employees (Caitlin) came out to greet me with her dog Forest. She called a trainer in, Annie, and Annie had with her 3 dogs. Which was mine?
This one dog came right up to me and licked my leg. I thought this was strange since they're trained to not do stuff like that on harness but whatever, he was being sweet. We walked to the training facility and that same dog licked my leg again. I said "Aww kisses" and Annie asked me "Actually are you feeling okay?" I said "To be honest, I have a migraine". Her response was "Yeah this one is actually super sensitive to people. He can sense anything that makes them not feel well and he's alerting you to your migraine". Can we all guess who that special dog was?
Once we got to the training building, I walked with the other 2 dogs, and while they were both super sweet, there wasn't really a connection. Then came Zido.
I took a few steps with him and it was like the heavens opened up and the angels were singing. Okay maybe not THAT dramatic but it was pretty freaking awesome. He knew me. I knew him. It was beautiful.
I knelt down with him after walking and he just kept licking my palm as if to say "Yes you taste great, but PLEASE pay attention to what I'm trying to tell you". Annie asked me if I thought I was ready for THIS fall and I told her "Definitely." That's when she said the words I have been waiting months to hear: "Well I would love to pair you with Zido."
Needless to say, I broke down, my dad started tearing up, pictures were taken, and my life was changed forever. Since he was in harness, I asked Annie if I could take him to meet my dad. She told him to pet him now because once we start training, he can't interact with Zido for many months.
Here's a picture of my dad first meeting Zee. He told me it felt like I was bringing a new boyfriend home and that boyfriend was trying to tell him "It's okay sir, I promise to take good care of her."
We all sat and talked for a little bit and Zee got pretty bored with it all...
After walking around a little bit more, it was time to say goodbye. I gave him a good hug and kiss and told him I'll see him next week (my parents and I have to go up for some observation) and that was it. We walked away and the phone calls began.
So that's the beginning of my forever and I'll keep you all updated on future meetings with Zee and when I will start fundraising.
Love and blessings,
Zee and Me
Thursday, August 7, 2014
God is So Good
Wow...seriously I have goosebumps and I'm close to tears by the outpouring of love that has been shown to me over these past couple hours. It was 2 hours ago that I had my "coming out" photo of Zee and me and announced my condition to the world that is Instagram and Facebook. In 2 hours I have had 28 likes on Instagram, 116 likes on my pictures on Facebook, 25 comments, and 6 text messages of friends that are just showering me with love. I know that to those out there who don't really "get" the whole social networking thing yet this doesn't seem like a big deal. But you have to realize that before posting that picture, I literally almost had a panic attack. I have NEVER told that many people about my condition. Ever. It started out 10 years ago that I was embarrassed about it. Then it evolved into me being completely bullheaded and believing if I didn't talk about it, then it wasn't really there. Totally 2 year old thinking, right? I have a whole new confidence going into this with Zido, and I just want to thank everyone that is giving me so much support and encouragement.
Love and blessings,
Zee and Me
Love and blessings,
Zee and Me
The Start of Forever!
Hey there! I'm glad you stumbled upon my latest creation. There are only two reasons why you would be on this page...1) You were purposefully trying to find it and you succeeded or 2) It was a total accident and you're trying to find the quickest way out of it. Personally, I hope it was the first :)
Either way, I would love to tell you a little bit about myself and the handsome devil you see as the background.
My name is Courtney and I am a junior at the amazing George Mason University in Fairfax, Virginia. It's fantastic. Seriously. If you're looking for a college to call "home" Mason is the way to go. Anyway, I am a Media Communications major and a Criminology minor as well as the President of the Mason Ambassadors, the group that gives tours of our campus to prospective students (if you couldn't tell from my enthusiasm about the school). I am having the time of my life at school and I have met some of the most amazing people I have ever known during my time there. Outside of school, I work as a barista at a local coffee shop called Cervantes where we roast and brew single origin coffee for our customers. It is an adorable little place in Springfield, VA and I highly recommend the coffee (also the employees are pretty cool too). I'm also a bible study leader for high school girls at New Hope Church and for 2 years I've worked for Friends of the World War II Memorial where I interview veterans at the memorial to document their stories.
Now that's enough about me; let's get to the cutie we've all come here for. That beautiful lab is named Zido (pronounced Z-eye-doe), or "Zee" for short, and he is about to become the best thing that has ever happened to me.
For the last 10 years, I have lived with a progressive neurological disease that results in me losing consciousness for extended periods of time. I've been working with neurologists from some of the best places in my area, but sadly they have never seen a case like mine. We know that part of the disease can be attributed to POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome) but that's not the whole thing. They have also diagnosed me with Sensory and Autonomic Neuropathy, but again that's not specific enough for an exact diagnosis. So to sum it all up for the last 10 years I have been in the Sea of Waiting for an official diagnosis so that I can start to move onto the next step. As much as I would love a name, though, mostly I just want to live a normal life. I want to be able to go out and not worry about fainting embarrassingly in front of all my friends (trust me...it's happened...it's the definition of a buzz kill). I want to be able to live on my own and not fear what "could" happen. Shoot, I want to be able to stand up without almost passing out. My doctors and I know that whatever I have, it's permanent. It's not going away. Ever. So...enter Zido.
Little Mr. Zee will be able to alert me about passing out long before I ever feel like I'm going to through his super-dog sense of smell. It's crazy right? I mean this dog can SMELL my heart rate! WHAAAAAT? Yeah, let that sink in for a second. I am receiving him from an amazing organization up in Pennsylvania called Canine Partners for Life, where starting in October I will go up for 3 weeks to train with my man before bringing him home in November.
I met Zido yesterday, and the best way I can describe it is that moment you meet someone and you know that no matter what, no matter who comes into your life, no matter what crap you go through, they will always be by your side. It was like he said "Hi. You're my human. I'm your dog. I will love you forever and I will take care of you for always." And even if you're thinking "I mean, can this dog really alert you to something like that?" I'll just say that Zido alerted me to a migraine that I was having the second he came out to greet me. A little late because I was in the throws of the migraine, but hey it's the thought that counts right?
I'll go into more detail later about the actual awesomeness of this dog, but for now I wanted to give you guys a glimpse of what my future will be. I won't have to question if something is happening. I won't have to worry about ever being alone. I won't have to fear standing up ever again. For the first time in 10 years, I'm going to be able to really live.
Love and blessings,
Zee and me :)
Either way, I would love to tell you a little bit about myself and the handsome devil you see as the background.
My name is Courtney and I am a junior at the amazing George Mason University in Fairfax, Virginia. It's fantastic. Seriously. If you're looking for a college to call "home" Mason is the way to go. Anyway, I am a Media Communications major and a Criminology minor as well as the President of the Mason Ambassadors, the group that gives tours of our campus to prospective students (if you couldn't tell from my enthusiasm about the school). I am having the time of my life at school and I have met some of the most amazing people I have ever known during my time there. Outside of school, I work as a barista at a local coffee shop called Cervantes where we roast and brew single origin coffee for our customers. It is an adorable little place in Springfield, VA and I highly recommend the coffee (also the employees are pretty cool too). I'm also a bible study leader for high school girls at New Hope Church and for 2 years I've worked for Friends of the World War II Memorial where I interview veterans at the memorial to document their stories.
Now that's enough about me; let's get to the cutie we've all come here for. That beautiful lab is named Zido (pronounced Z-eye-doe), or "Zee" for short, and he is about to become the best thing that has ever happened to me.
Little Mr. Zee will be able to alert me about passing out long before I ever feel like I'm going to through his super-dog sense of smell. It's crazy right? I mean this dog can SMELL my heart rate! WHAAAAAT? Yeah, let that sink in for a second. I am receiving him from an amazing organization up in Pennsylvania called Canine Partners for Life, where starting in October I will go up for 3 weeks to train with my man before bringing him home in November.
I met Zido yesterday, and the best way I can describe it is that moment you meet someone and you know that no matter what, no matter who comes into your life, no matter what crap you go through, they will always be by your side. It was like he said "Hi. You're my human. I'm your dog. I will love you forever and I will take care of you for always." And even if you're thinking "I mean, can this dog really alert you to something like that?" I'll just say that Zido alerted me to a migraine that I was having the second he came out to greet me. A little late because I was in the throws of the migraine, but hey it's the thought that counts right?
I'll go into more detail later about the actual awesomeness of this dog, but for now I wanted to give you guys a glimpse of what my future will be. I won't have to question if something is happening. I won't have to worry about ever being alone. I won't have to fear standing up ever again. For the first time in 10 years, I'm going to be able to really live.
Love and blessings,
Zee and me :)
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