Hi
everyone! It's been quite some time since the last time I wrote, and
there have been some MAJOR changes in my life. Remember that guy who sat
with me through an alert and brought Zido a treat on our first date?
Well I'm the lucky lady who gets to soon call that guy my husband!
That's right! Zack, Zido, and I are tying the knot in early 2018! I so
desperately want to share the proposal story, but I know that's not why
you all are here. Long story short, the day before my birthday, Zack
took me to dinner and then to the gazebo where he asked me to be his
girlfriend. He distracted me with something he supposedly had on his
phone and when I looked up, he was kneeling with the most beautiful ring
in his hand. He said "Courtney, I love you so much and I'm not going to
say a lot because I know you won't remember this," (side note true
story: I don't remember a word he said after that...he had to remind me
on our drive home...) "but I love you so much and I think you're so
beautiful and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you
marry me?" In the gazebo, I was squished behind a little Christmas tree
and Zido was awkwardly between Zack and me, so I did everything in my
power to jump over my service dog to get to Zack as I VERY emphatically
said "Yes! Oh my gosh yes!"
Okay I guess long story not so short...but
hey can you blame me?
Zack
and I will be engaged for a little over a year by the time we get
married. We're taking this year to get as ready as we can for a journey
no one can truly prepare for, but it's been hitting me lately how my
years with Zido have continued to grow me as a single woman and as a new
wife. I know I'm not married and I don't have a true understanding of
what a marriage is until I'm in one, but here are 7 ways I'm using these
years with Zido to prepare my heart and my mind for the strongest
commitment I'll ever make:
- Truly unconditional love.
Dogs have often been said to be the epitome of unconditional love for
their people. No matter how the person leaves the house or what the
person says, dogs are always quick to forgive and quick to love. There
will be (and have been!) times when Zack and I say something we don't
mean or do something that hurts the other, but to be willing and able to
truly forgive and grow from it with each other will lead to a marriage
that grows us as individuals, as a couple, and as followers of Christ.
- You before me.
"What's yours is mine, what's mine is mine" is a funny little saying I
learned at a young age and as the baby of the family, I definitely took
that to heart...sorry big bro and big sis....but bringing that into a
marriage is a poisonous recipe. No matter how tired he is or how hungry
he is, Zido will ALWAYS alert me. He sleeps,
for sure, but he never lowers his guard. He's woken up in the middle of
the night to tell me something is wrong. He has immediately stopped
playing when he sensed my heart rate was too fast. He does what he knows
I need simply because he loves me and is committed to me. When I become
a Williams, I need to be willing to sacrifice sleep, hunger, fun, time,
and more for the growth of our marriage. I'm not saying I need to erase
my wants and desires for those of Zack, but I need to put his needs and
our family's needs above my own. I can't let my guard down for one
moment. Just like a distraction can lead Zido to missing an alert with a
potentially deadly result, so can a distraction from the vows we take
lead to a deadly wedge in our marriage.
- Truly become one. After
almost 3 years with Zido, I honestly could not tell you what it would
be like without him at my side. Last year, he had his teeth cleaned and I
had to leave him for the short procedure. During those 45 minutes away,
I felt like my left leg had suddenly disappeared. I never fully
realized how much of a part of me he is until he was apart from me.
After those vows are said, Zack and I are a team. There's no other way
around it. We will have willingly stood in front of our closest family
and friends to declare before them and God that we choose only each
other for the rest of our earthly lives. Do team members fight? Yepp. Do
team members always agree with each other? Nope. But in the end, do the
team members have each others' backs when they're on the field? Always.
I will always be on Team Zack whenever we're on the field of life (okay
this is getting cheesy but you get the picture, right?) Sometimes that
could mean we're each other's coach, other times we're the cheerleader,
most of the time I'm sure it's going to feel like we're just lobbing a
Hail Mary down the field hoping for the other to back us up. The point
is, a team is only a team if they get rid of the "It's only about me"
and realize "It's all about us"
- Don't expect rewards.
There are many things Zido does for me that he will look at me
afterwards with those eyes that say "Okay mom...your turn. Treat me."
And I will give him a click, a treat, and a good boy. I'll reward him
for a job well done. However, there are certain things he does that are
so integrated into the DNA of his being that he can't help himself but
do them and never expects a praise for them! Not once has Zido looked at
me after an alert, begging for a treat. He does it because he can't
imagine not doing it. When people ask how he can smell my heart, the
only answer I have is "Scientists have no clue. They think it's a smell,
but they're not certain!" Alerting me is such an integral part of who
Zido is that he can't help himself but alert. We need to come to
marriage with the same mindset! I need to love Zack so fully and so
completely that it doesn't always make sense, but it's just such a part
of my heart that I can't help but show that love with no expectation of
tangible rewards.
- Work work work work work. (Did
anyone else sing Rihanna with that?) Okay so I've mentioned the ooey
gooey lovey dovey stuff, but let's be real. Marriage is work. A TON of
work. It's constant trial and error, tensions, actions and
repercussions, communication, challenges, fighting, forgiving, loving,
choosing, and a million other "ing" words. I can't expect that if I
don't work with Zido on his skills, or if I never train him on new
things, or if I just leave him off harness for a few days that he's
going to bounce back and do everything I ask him to do because he should
just know it. No. I need to challenge him as he challenges me. I need
to figure out what ways of communicating work for him so he truly
understands what I'm trying to tell him. I need to CHOOSE to love him
even when he's not doing a thing I ask him to do. I need to never expect
he can read my mind. I need to spend time with him. I need to listen to
him. I need to guide him as he guides me. I need to do what I can to
help his growth as the service dog he's called to be. I need to never
stop trying. Now thinking about that in regards to a dog is pretty easy
because, I mean, he's adorable. And like we already said, he's going to
naturally love me unconditionally. But how do I do that with another human? Don't get me wrong, he's pretty stinkin' adorable too. But unlike
Zido, he can talk back and he can call me on stuff. I need to come into
marriage with the same mindset that this whole marriage thing isn't
going to just happen because, you know, a lot of people do it. This
whole marriage thing happens when 2 people are willing to choose each
other above and in spite of all else.
- It's a partnership, not a job.
I made the decision early on in my time with Zido that when people ask
if he's in training or what he does, I tell him "He's my partner. He
helps me with a medical condition." I feel like it's so important to
bring to the marriage table that we're a partnership. We're not forced
into this and we're not supposed to just "make it through the day."
We've already mentioned the whole team thing, but Zack and I have to be a
real partnership of support. It's definitely not going to come easy and
there are going to be days where the work feels more like a job, but no
matter what outside forces try to work against this, we are a packaged
partnership.
- Find a support system! I'm
so incredibly blessed to have a group of about 6 or so other men and
women in the area I live that have dogs from CPL. We try to get together
for the dogs' birthdays and have just recently attended what will
hopefully become a training/skills building class every other month!
This group is a safe place to come to and say "I have no idea what's
going through his mind. Why won't he just listen to me?!" This last
time, I was able to tell them about a habit Zido has started doing while
we're at work and they gave me the super simple idea of giving him a
chew toy if he ever feels bored! I have no fear of him missing an alert,
even if he has an antler to chew on, but I never would have come to
that without the advice of my support system. Marriage is the same!
Shoot, ANY relationship is the same! I'm blessed to be a part of a
weekly bible study with women in all stages of life. We know that no
matter what, we can come to one another for advice, comfort, fun, and
just to hear an outsider's perspective! Zack and I have also been
intentional in trying to find matured married couples who can help guide
us in this transition and who we can come to with questions, fears,
joys, celebrations, hurt, anger, and all of the other emotions that
marriage brings. We also have the blessing of 2 sets of parents who have been together our whole lives that we can look to. They know us better than we know ourselves, so I know they can give us honest advice for who we are!
There
are SO many other aspects of a service dog partnership that relate to
marriage. Like the fact that when other people have said to me about
Zido (true story!) "Wait why do you get to pet him and I don't? That's
not fair!" My response "....uh....because he's mine?" Maybe as we get
closer to the wedding, I can share some more but for now we'll keep it
to these.
I
always have the intention of starting back up on my writing, but you'd
be surprised at how hard it is to come up with read-worthy material! If
you have any questions or topic suggestions, please feel free to comment
them below and I can take a look at them!
Thank
you all for the support you've shown me as I've started my partnership
with Zido and for all of the love Zack and I have been shown during this
entry into the biggest journey of our lives!
Love and blessings,
Zee and Me (and the other Z!)
