The Truth.

Okay, I'm going to say something that I never thought would leave my mouth—or I guess in this case, leave my thoughts to my fingers—when I started this journey. It may surprise many of you who have been with me from the beginning, as I've shared joy after joy. Those joys don't lessen this statement and this statement doesn't lessen that joy.

There are days I hate having a service dog.

Now let me be abundantly clear: there has never been, nor will there ever be, a moment in my life that I hate having Zido. He's saved my life—physically, mentally, and emotionally—when I was close to losing all three. He's given me endless moments of laughter, pride, and a happiness I didn't even know existed. He's introduced me to countless numbers of people that I would never have had in my life if I didn't have him. He's given me a freedom that I had long lost hope of ever having. He, in short, is my miracle.

But this post is about my moments of just being human; my moments of, "what if..." and "why me...." My moments of wanting to blend back in and just have a "normal"—albeit sick, freedom-less, scared to be alone—life.

You're probably sitting here, reading this and thinking "Woah, Courtney, take the melodrama down about 23 notches. We want our 'service dogs are the best creatures to bless the ground we walk on' post. None of this 'to be or not to be....that is the question....' stuff."

Well, quite frankly, that sunny, rosey, Instagram-filtered post is exactly the kind I want to share with you, but this is the one that's real to me right now. Don't fear, the joy and the happiness is still here and those posts WILL be back, but for now let's just take a moment to really understand what having a service dog is like, warts and all.

It's being told that you can't book a cabin for your honeymoon because they wouldn't be able to accommodate my dog in case of an emergency (don't ask...long story.)

It's being seated in the back corner of a restaurant that's close to empty, and knowing exactly why.

It's waiting for a public ride-share car to pick you and you husband up in the snow, excited to celebrate your anniversary, only to have them drive off once they see you.

It's being moved 3 times at a show that you paid for front section seats to, only to end up in the back row because that's the only place your dog can fit.

It's sitting on the metro—like I am now—trying to get home, and you know without even looking up that many of the people are staring at and whispering about you, and at least 2 people are probably sneaking pictures that will end up who knows where.

It's looking to a parent for help when their child asks if she can pet your dog, and them getting upset when you tell their child no.

It's getting to a job interview that you were really excited about, only to spend 30 minutes talking about your dog's qualifications for his job.

It's sitting in a restaurant and having someone bring their child up to you and continue to point at you as they loudly talk about you.

It's having a person scream and say you can't get on an elevator because they're scared of dogs.

Basically, having a service dog isn't fun.

But.

Having a service dog is so much more than just "fun."

It's falling in love with your husband because he accepts you, despite all of the above.

It's getting the opportunity to speak in front of rooms of people and telling them how your life has changed, for the better.

It's graduating college and moving on to success when you never thought you could.

It's having your best friend right at your feet when you feel anxious or when you're afraid that you're going to get sick.

It's knowing that you're going to be okay, because you have someone monitoring your every heart beat.

It's educating people about their actions and seeing the light bulb click.

It's finding a passion that you never knew you had and learning how to be a partner.

Yes, there are days—more than I would like—when I think about what my life could be like without a service dog.

But then I truly think about what my WAS like without a service dog, and I remember that it was really no life at all.

Love and blessings,
Zee and Me

Partnership Pet Peeves

Oh my lanta, the changes life gives you! This past month has been full of them and there are only more to come! I’m currently about a week (hopefully less!) away from becoming an aunt as my incredibly preggers older sister is waiting for the arrival of her first son. This will be the first baby of my immediate family, so I know we’re all anxiously awaiting the moment we meet the little man. As if that weren’t enough of a life change, I started a new job last month and I’m absolutely loving it! I’m now a Communications Manager at a local association, so it’s awesome to actually be doing what I went to school and spent thousands of dollars for…funny how that works. And as if THOSE weren’t enough, my older brother has recently gotten engaged and will be getting married this fall to his lovely fiancée! With two weddings and a baby, 2018 is shaping up to be a big year for the family.

A few weeks back, I asked my Facebook friends for any blog topics (Blopics? Is that a thing? Can it be a thing? Let’s make it a thing.) and I was given some pretty good ones that I can expand on! The one I chose for today is one that I’ve wanted to write about for a few years, but have been tiptoeing around because I want to be sure the tone is firm, but not rude; serious, but approachable; and informative, but filled with grace. We’re going to take some time to investigate some of the “Pet Peeves” I have as a service dog partner. Obviously, I don’t speak for ALL partnerships, but from the threads I’ve seen and the conversations I’ve had, I’ve gotten the sense I’m not alone in these. Rather than just list all the “OMG” moments of my day-to-day life, I want to be sure to include some alternatives that non-partners can turn to when faced with a service dog partnership.

Doing the exact opposite of what I ask and having a little ‘tude about it

Fun fact, I’ve found that children are THE best when it comes to interacting with Zido and me. Nine times out of 10, they’ll ask if they can pet him (+100 points for asking!) Then, when I say no, they just go "Oh okay" and walk away (+1500 points for listening!) My assumption is that this is because they live in a world where every other sentence to them is: “No, don’t touch that.”

Adults, on the other hand, are prone to just reaching right out to him (-10 bazillion points) and then when I say “Oh he’s working. Please don’t,” they’ll do 1 of 3 things:

1. Stop and apologize (you get your 10 bazillion back)

2. Get offended and give me “a look"

3. Wait until they think I’m not looking and go for it again

In the age of the “Me Too” movement, we should just conclude that in all situations involving personal property and personal space, ask first and if the answer’s no, move on and respect the person.

The best thing you can do if you come up to a service dog partnership is to first look for any signage on the dog that says, “Do Not Pet/Distract.” If you don’t see that or if the dog isn’t wearing any kind of a uniform, just assume you can’t interact with it. There ya go, it’s as simple as that. If the dog is able to be touched, the partner will more than likely tell you that and give you the permission.

Asking what’s “wrong” with me

A lot of times, this question comes up like this:

Random Randy: “What’s he for?”
Me: "He’s a medic alert dog."

Now the conversation will take 1 of 2 turns:

Option 1:
Randy: "Oh awesome!"
Exit stage right

Option 2:
Randy: "No, like what medical condition is he for?"
Me: "A medical condition."
Randy: "What medical condition?"
Me: "That's actually really personal."
Maintain awkward eye contact until one of us can leave.

Most people get the hint after that, and they apologize for asking a complete stranger what their medical history is, however I’ve had a number of people that STILL go further with the questioning and say, “Oh I’m a nurse” or “I’m a doctor” or “My cousin has a service dog.” While these help me understand a bit more about why they’re asking, it’s still a very personal question to be asking a complete stranger. They’re not MY nurse and they’re not MY doctor, so I don’t feel comfortable going into detail about my medical history, and I doubt they would be either.

In my last post, I mentioned that when you’re wondering about WHY you can’t pet, think about how you would interact with someone with a cane or oxygen tank. The same applies when wondering why someone has a service dog. You would never (hopefully…) ask someone why they’re in a wheelchair, why someone’s limb is missing, or why they have an oxygen tank with them. I understand that when I made the decision to get a service dog, I made the decision to stand out a bit in public. I did not, however, make the decision to give the public a right to my personal information.

The alternative to this is like the last alternative: just don’t do it.

We are so blessed to live in a time where “Google It” has become a sentence in and of itself! If, for example, you see me on the metro and I’ve told you that he’s for a medical condition and you see a sign that says, “Cardiac Alert Dog,” go home and research “What is a cardiac alert dog?” or “What kind of service dogs are there?” I guarantee you’re going to find the answers you’re looking for and then maybe even some more!

 LOUDLY pointing us out to children

This weekend, I went to a coffee shop for a little “me” date. While standing in line, this man came within 2 feet of me and LOUDLY started talking to his daughter who was definitely under a year old about “See THAT? THAT’S a SERVICE DOG. He HELPS HER with a PROBLEM she has” I wanted to list this as a pet peeve, because not only is it embarrassing to be pointed out like that by someone being very loud, but it was to a child that probably doesn’t understand what you’re even talking about.

Now, I understand that I don’t have a child and I don’t really know what it’s like to face a “Teachable Moment” with one, however I’ve had a few experiences like this one, and it becomes very clear that it’s become a moment for the parent to show others that they know what they’re talking about, rather than teaching their child a lesson. What I would suggest as an alternative is to wait until you think the service dog partnership is out of ear shot, get on your child’s level and explain what they see. During that time, I think you have a great opportunity to start the conversation on how to treat people who might seem “different” to you, one of which is to not make a scene or embarrass the person when you notice them. If I ever hear a parent doing that, I always make a point to thank them for explaining it and for doing it in such a polite way. You really have no idea how much it means to see the next generation being taught that different isn’t weird.

Contradicting what I say about service dogs to children

Back to the coffee shop scene, after this man politely stepped off his soap box and dropped the mic, he told his daughter “Now you can’t pet but you can say hi.” At this point, I understood that he was talking more so to me about what he’s allowed to do versus talking to his daughter because again, she was literally a baby. I said, “Well, actually, you can’t. Since he’s working he can’t be distracted at all.” To which he said, “Well yeah, but you can wave.” and I said, “No, you can’t. He’s working, and he can’t be distracted.” This grown man rolled his eyes and said, “Yeah, sure.” and walked away. I’ve had parents say, “He bites.” To which I quickly try to clear that up. I’ve also had a mother take her child out of the cart at a store, set it on the ground and say, “Go say hi to the puppy!” When I stepped in the way, the mother got very offended and told the child that I was, I kid you not, “a mean lady.”

If you see someone with a service dog, it’s probably best practice to think they know about how to handle a service dog and that they’re saying what they’re saying for the good of all parties involved. Please don’t teach children that to be told “no” is equivalent to the person being a “Mean Lady.”

Starting in on a question without following conversation protocol

What does this even mean? Well, one time, I was on the metro with my headphones in when the lady next to me tapped me on the shoulder. I took my earbud out and she pointed to a woman ACROSS THE CAR and said, "I think she's trying to ask you something?" I turned to the lady and she very loudly said, "WHAT'S THAT DOG FOR?"

This touches on a few of the above pet peeves, but let's look at it under the scope of "Conversation Protocol." Normally, if you want to ask someone something, you'll first make sure you're within normal conversing distance. Then you'll probably start it with something like, "Excuse me..." Once you have mentally confirmed that they've acknowledged your effort of getting their attention, you'll then begin your question.

What I find many people will do is just jump right into their question, without trying to get my attention. I've been standing in line, and someone a few people back said, "How old?" Even though I heard it, I had no clue they were talking to me so I didn't say anything. I heard them ask it again, and again no response. Finally, they said "How old is your dog?" and sounded very annoyed that they had to ask so many times.

If you have an appropriate question to ask someone with a service dog, please use the same steps you would take in asking a question of anyone else! While I know a lot of people on a train might be staring at us, I don't assume that every question asked is aimed towards me.

Talking to Zido, not me

While you shouldn't talk to a service dog at all anyway, one of the interactions I've had a few times have been people literally talk to Zido instead of me. One time, I was on an elevator and a lady said, "What's your name?" I knew she wasn't talking to me, but I still said, "Courtney." She then looked at Zido and said, "Hi Courtney!" I said, "Oh, no, MY name is Courtney." She looked at me and said, "Oh I was asking what his name is..." I replied, "I just thought since you said 'your' name, you were talking to me since he's a dog." Then I smiled and you could tell it kind of hit her, too, and she started laughing.

As crazy of an alternative as this might sound, here it goes: Talk to the human. Not the dog. Dogs can't talk.

I firmly believe that having Zido in my life has served as an AMAZING icebreaker in social situations since everyone can talk about dogs, but I'm still the person in this partnership. I've had job interviews where so much of it was spent on Zido's training that we hardly touched on my abilities! When you're engaging in a conversation with someone with a service dog, just remember to focus on the person and understand that while we can talk about our dogs all day, every day, we still like to show the world that there's more to us than our furry companions.

Telling me that my dog is sad or that I’m hurting him

This is probably one of the most hurtful things I could hear from someone. It seems like such a small comment, but for some reason it really hits me. I’ve had countless experiences where people have said the harness is hurting him, or that he looks sad to be working, or that I’M hurting him. If you’re someone that thinks this, let me clear up a few things.

First, the harness Zido has was actually designed by a canine chiropractor and was created specifically for him so that it only rests on the strongest parts of his back. While it looks heavy, it’s not - it’s created to only be about 7lbs. I love this dog more than I love myself, and while I know a stranger wouldn’t know that, I hope to get the word out that legitimate service dog partners will do ANYTHING to protect our dog. They are our lifeline and they are our best friends. I would never put Zido in a situation that I know would hurt him.

Second, Zido doesn’t look sad. He looks serious. I think I’ve said before that you probably don’t sit at your desk and smile all day. No, that’s kind of creepy. Zee is the same because he takes his job seriously. Dogs were MADE for work! Think about all the things you see dogs do and think of how happy they look. I mean, seriously, I’ve never seen anything as happy as a dog herding sheep. While Zido’s face may look sad, take a look at the rest of his body: his tail’s high, his walk’s peppy, and his ears are forward and relaxed. He loves his job and he’s good at it! While, yes, he loves coming home and taking the harness off, it doesn’t mean that he hates having it on! My favorite part of the day is getting home and changing into my pajamas (at 5:30pm…don’t judge me.) but that doesn’t mean I hate my job!

"I just love dogs so much. This is so hard for me to not pet him."

I debated adding this one, because it's such a benign comment, but it's still one that gets under my skin. When someone says it, I never know what they want me to say. Are they looking for a "Good job!" or me confirming my understanding on how hard it is? Or are they looking for an "in" that I might say, "Oh since you did so well up until now, go for it!" Most people are dog lovers. Most people find it hard to not pet him. What I find super respectful, however, is to not even acknowledge he's there. If you know you can't pet him, it's so much better to just follow through with what you know rather than pointing out that you're feeling tortured.

"I wish I could take MY dog with me everywhere!"

I wish I didn't have a medical condition that requires me to take my dog with me everywhere. Enough said.

The main points in all of these are pretty simple:

1. Listen to the partner
2. Respect their privacy

I’m super excited for the next post (no promises on when it’ll be!) but my husband, Zack, has agreed to do a guest post on what it’s like to be “the third-wheel” in a service dog partnership! I can’t wait to share his perspective with all of you!

Love and blessings,
Zee and Me

But WHY Can't I Pet Him?

Something weird, but strangely common happened the other week that inspired this post. I was on an elevator and a man in a wheelchair got in. He said the usual "Nice dog, what's his name?" I gave him Zido's "Undercover Name" which is Charlie (I'll talk more about that in a bit.) He then turned to me and said ...

Side note: This was a one-floor elevator trip, meaning I spent all of 5 seconds with this man whom I have never met in my entire 24 years of life.

Anywho, he turned to me and said "I know it says don't pet, but can I pet him?" I just smiled and said "No, he's working." and the guy said "Oh okay just thought I'd ask." We got out of the elevator, scanned out of the metro and then ended up needing to get on another elevator to the street level. While waiting for the 2nd elevator, he said "So what is he?" I said "Yellow lab" and he said "No what service does he do, if you don't mind me asking." I replied "Oh, he's a medic alert dog." To which he then said ...

Side side note: At this point, I've known the strange guy (let's call him Ned since I don't really know his name and Nosy Ned is all that comes to mind) for about 90 seconds.

Back to the story: He said "So what's your medical condition, if you don't mind me asking?" Now, I try to take a really understanding approach to people who see Zido and me. I get it, a service dog is an oddity and super interesting! I remember exactly what it was like before I got Zido when I would see a dog at work. They're living, breathing, furry, adorable heroes! So when people have questions about him, I tend to give them an answer without getting too personal. This question, though, is one that I get a lot, and I always respond with "That's actually really personal." This normally shocks the person into realizing that they've just asked a complete stranger what their medical history is. We got on the elevator and waited the next one-floor ride in slightly super awkward silence.

Now, the whole asking a total stranger what their medical history is really deserves a post all on its own. SPOILER ALERT: Don't do it. It's awkward and it's kind of creepy. So yeah...just don't. But the asking to pet him has inspired this particular post which will hopefully answer the question that we all learned at the ripe old age of two and asked our parents incessantly: Why?

One thing I've found is that when there is more than one person in a group and someone asks if they can pet him, another person will often times answer for me. Which is super awesome and incredibly helpful! Except for when they're wrong about why. So here are two of the "Why Myths" when it comes to petting a service dog:

1. "Oh, it's because he bites. See his muzzle?"

FALSE! While this is a major reason that you should teach children to ALWAYS ask before petting any kind of dog, it's not the reason that a person with a service dog should be using. A well-trained service dog is one that should in no way show aggression towards other humans or animals. In fact, Zido is so non-aggressive that in the few instances when we've been lunged at by other dogs, he has simply gotten in-between the other dogs and me and stood there, not fighting back.

The second part to this response is also wrong, pertaining particularly to Zido. He wears what's called a Gentle Leader while he's on duty. It goes around his snout and is what his leash is attached to. The reason for this is not to stop him from biting (he can fully open his mouth while wearing it), but it instead serves as something very similar to a horse's reins. I have no way of steering Zido with the handle on his harness, but the Gentle Leader allows me to let him know which way we're turning.

2. "She just doesn't want to share him"

Granted, this is one that's not actually said out loud, but I know it's a thought because, to be perfectly frank, it's one I thought before I was partnered with a service dog. I'm not sure if it's just a thought that most people are greedy, but I think it's why people tend to become offended once I've said that they can't pet him. One time, a guy asked, "Well that's not fair. Why do you get to pet him and we can't?" There are no selfish motives when I tell people they can't pet him, and I can probably guarantee it's the same for 98% of the other service dog partners out there. The only "selfish" reason would be safety related, but we'll get there soon.

Now for the facts. When someone pets a dog, what does the dog normally do? It starts wagging its tail, licking the person's hand, and basically any other way that they can tell the person that in that moment, that person is the most important thing in that dog's life. While a service dog is an incredibly well trained and disciplined dog, it's still a dog. They aren't robots in any way, shape, or form. So, when a working service dog is pet, for that moment the person doing the petting is taking the attention of the dog FROM the partner. Even if that pet lasts for all of three seconds, it could take much longer than those three seconds for the dog to refocus their attention back on their job.

Think about it: you're sitting at your desk working on a report that is the make or break of your entire company. Everything that you went to school for is riding on this report being done exactly right and exactly on time. If you miss even one number, the business falls. Now imagine all of your focus is on that report, and in walks a coworker (let's go back to Ned) and Ned says, "Hey I know you're really busy and all, but what are you doing this weekend?" You can't help but have some of your attention turn to Ned, so you stumble out an "Oh...uhhh...gosh let me think....I mean I think maybe I have some laundry to do...?" Your boss walks in and says "Ned, stop talking to him. I really need him to finish this report in the next five minutes." So you turn your attention back to your computer and stare at the screen thinking "Wait, where was I? I just found something but I can't quite remember. Ummmm...."

DING

Your five minutes are up. The company is bankrupt.

Okay, so let's bring it back to a service dog. While you may think that a quick pet can't really do much harm, during the time it takes the dog to focus back on their person, they could miss a key function of their job. If it's a seeing eye dog, maybe the dog isn't able to notice a curb and their partner falls. If it's a diabetic alert dog, maybe the dog doesn't catch the drop in blood sugar in enough time and their person passes out. If it's Zido, maybe he misses a quick jump in my heart rate and I fall and hit my head on the sidewalk. You might be thinking this seems a little over dramatic, but it's really not. These dogs are more than just an adorable companion (and trust us; we know they're cute!) These dogs are living, breathing, necessary pieces of medical equipment. Would you unplug someone's oxygen tank because you want to see what it's like? No. Would you stick your foot out and knock over a blind woman's cane? Gosh I hope not. Service dogs are no different. You should just practice as much self control as you can muster in that moment, and let. them. do. their. job.

On Zido's harness, there are four signs that say "Do NOT Pet. Working Service Dog." So that should make it pretty clear that petting is a no-go. However, it's important to let people know what else can be distracting for a service dog:

• Talking to them. You never even have to touch them, but talking directly to a service dog or saying their name is just as distracting. Hence (I always love an excuse to use the word "hence") Zido's under cover name. When we're out in public and someone asks what his name is, I tell them it's Charlie. This is because nine times out of ten, the person will immediately follow that up with "Hi Charlie." It sounds nothing like his real name, so Zee has no clue they're talking to him!
• Making eye contact. For dogs, eye contact is just as much a form of communication as words are. Have you ever heard about staring into your dog's eyes, yawning, and seeing if they yawn back? It's supposedly a way of determining a bond, but it all starts with taking their attention by making eye contact.
• Kissing/Whistling/General creepy noise-making. Okay. I think this goes without saying, but it's really never a good idea to do this even if a dog is literally nowhere to be found. There's probably few things worse than walking on the street and hearing a stranger make smooching noises as you walk by. If it catches your attention, you can better believe it catches the dog's attention.

There are plenty of memes out there about how hard it is to ignore a working service dog, and please believe me when I say I know what it's like. It's hard and it's tough, but it's necessary. My old neurologist said that this dog has done for me what some of the best doctors in the country couldn't do. He does it by staying attentive and focused on me, and me alone.

I hope this post has given you a little more information on why a service dog should be left alone! If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to leave them below!

Love and blessings,

Zee and Me

Counting On

For those of you that know me or follow me on social media, you probably know that there have been two major dates that I've been counting down to and counting up from. Well, I'm here to tell you that the countDOWN is officially over! As of last Saturday, January 13th at about 1:30pm, I am now officially MRS. Courtney Williams. That's right! Zido and I walked down the aisle to the man of our dreams and walked back with a husband (and a dad!)

Our pictures should be ready in a few weeks, but until then, we received a few sneak peeks from the big day. Our photographer, Taylor Rose Photography, was an absolute and total Godsend. From the very first time we met her, we knew she was the perfect woman to capture our big day and some of the major days leading up to it with an engagement session AND a bridal session. Seriously, if you're getting married, check her out. She. Is. Amazing.

Now the thing to remember as an engaged couple is that no wedding is perfect. Ours had a song malfunction which made me walk down the aisle to silence, we had a unity cross that just did NOT want to get built, we had another song malfunction that made us not too sure when to leave the chapel, AND I got an alert that night which caused the reception to end about 30 minutes early! BUT, because of the imperfection, we had an absolutely perfect day that we shared with our friends and family. It was the ultimate day of displaying the love God has given us and celebrating the amazing journey we're now on.

Huge shoutout to Hitchcock Creative for the perfect invitations and programs!

Flats...because I can trip barefooted....

I cannot thank our friend, Danielle, and her service dog, Rollo, enough for creating the absolute most perfect bow tie and cufflinks for my main dog

Yeah...my husband's fun to look at... :)

The other major date that I've been counting UP from has been October 25, 2014 which was the day of my last episode. While our wedding was absolutely perfect and everything we could have dreamed of, it didn't come without some hardships. Only my parents, siblings, and Zack know about this, but I want to be sure that my followers can truly see what life with a service dog and a medical condition is like. At about 3pm on January 12th, my count-up restarted.

Weddings and wedding planning are by far one of the most stressful events someone can go through. Even though we had a year to plan and an incredibly supportive set of parents and friends who helped us every step of the way, there were still some stressers that just could not be avoided. Now, unfortunately, one of the only things we know for sure about my condition is that it's stress-induced. As I mentioned a while ago, happy stress, bad stress, and shock lead my body to overcompensate by just shutting down. The day before the wedding, there was a perfect storm of, to be quite honest, totally normal stresses that would make the average person just lay down for a bit and keep going. The other thing to note is that my way of handling the random disappointments or stresses of life is often times through crying. I cry when I'm happy, I cry when I'm sad, I cry when I'm confused and frustrated, I cry when Zido does something that's so cute I just can't handle it. Well, at this particular moment, I had already been upset at two events and was close to tears. When the third event happened very shortly after, it all turned. I was sitting on a bed with Zido and my sister and the buildup of everything quickly led me to hyperventilating. No, Zido didn't alert before this, but there was honestly nothing to really alert to. My body went from upset to catastrophic in a matter of seconds, but as soon as that shift happened, Zido was on it.

I was trying to catch a breath, but at the beginning of an episode my muscles start to stiffen. Your diaphragm is a muscle, so breathing becomes incredibly difficult. At this point, Zido had gotten in front of me, jumped up to his back legs and landed his front legs on my shoulders to force me to lay down before he began licking my face. For some reason, my hands, arms, feet, and legs become catatonic-like and are unable to be easily moved, but are incredibly painful. As my sister and parents began massaging each of the body parts, Zido went from laying on my abdomen, creating a kind of heated pressure blanket, to licking my face, to laying his head on the leg that was hurting the most. At one point, my family saw that both arms, both hands, and one leg were relaxed, however Zido would not get off of my right leg when they tried to call him. My parents looked and saw that he was laying on my ankle, which was still stiff and incredibly painful. Once they were able to get it to relax, Zido finally moved and came up to lay by me.

I was able to rest for a little bit, but still had to get to the church for our rehearsal. It was an incredibly disheartening moment for me because it was a smack in the face that this condition isn't going anywhere. It may have been 1,175 days since my last episode, but it's still there lurking. I've never wanted to be someone that looks for pity or who flaunts having a medical condition, but the reality is that this thing is sticking around.

HOWEVER,

the blessing of knowing that there is an army of support behind me and the most amazing service dog beside me gives me the hope of knowing that it's going to be okay. I may be back down to day 9 of being episode free, but hey, that's 9 days of health and freedom!

I want to thank everyone for all of the amazing love and support as I've stepped into this new role as a "wife" (seriously, what?) and I'm really looking forward to all of the adventures and stories that are to come. As always, feel free to leave a comment if you have any questions or topic suggestions!

Love and blessings,
Zee and Me

These Are a Few of Our Favorite (and Not so Favorite) Things

Hello everyone and Happy 2018!

Recently (as in last night) a friend asked if I was thinking of keeping up with this blog. I told her that I really wanted to, but that it had just been so long since my last post that I wasn't sure if it was even worth it. She told me that time between posts doesn't matter; what matters is to just do it! So, Erin, thank you because we're back and ready for a new year!

The topic I'd like to get at today is a fun but crucial one from my partnership with Zido: safe toys and not-so-safe toys. I never really thought about dog toys until I was in training with Zee and they taught us about what our dogs can and can't have. I worked it into our daily lives, but found that when I would mention them to friends and family, they were shocked! Almost every time I bring up a toy that I try to keep away from Zido, someone says "I never thought of that!" Some of the toys I mention may come as a surprise, but together let's keep your dogs safe, happy, and healthy.

**Fine print: I'm not a toy or dog expert. I'm a Zido expert, and you are the expert of your dog. Take the advice you want but please talk to your vet or dog professional before making ANY toy, food, or treat changes. They'll help you with the process of finding what works for your furball**

**Larger fine print: No matter what toy your dog is playing with, they should ALWAYS be supervised. I know how tempting it is to want to just give them a bone so they'll stay out of your way, and I'm not saying you have to stare at them the entire time they're gnawing away. Just keep them in the same room as you so you can hear or see if anything starts to go awry.**

The Naughty List

1. Rope Toys

The first toys that I keep far far away from Zido are any toys that have rope, but it stinks because they tend to be the cheapest and can be found anywhere. They're awesome for tugging and gripping, but as you may expect, they start to shred. Those tiny fibers can either get caught in their teeth and harm their gums, or get swallowed and wrap around intestines. When someone gives us a toy that has rope elements to it, there's no reason the whole toy should go to waste. I'll just snip off the rope before giving it to him.

If you know me, you know how hard it was to say no to this sloth toy...but the rope around its body would have been impossible to remove and too dangerous for him to play with

2. Chewing on Tennis Balls

Zido LOVES tennis balls. He loves catching them, squeaking them, throwing them for himself (weird but adorable...) and don't even get me started on if we throw more than one for him. So, overall, tennis balls are a great and cheap option for these guys, but I take it away once he starts chewing on it. I had no idea about this until we were in our Team Training class, but tennis balls have similar fibers to rope toys. While the fibers don't necessarily wrap around their intestines, they do hurt their gums. Think about it - the hair on a tennis ball is essentially a ton of tiny little pieces of floss. When a dog sits and chews and chews and chews, those tiny floss bits start to eat away at the lining of their gums, leading to potential dental issues. Basically, while ropes are an immediate no-go, tennis balls are more of a supervised toy that should be removed once the dog is no longer just catching or squeaking it.

3. Rawhide Bones

Rawhide bones are another one of those toys that are incredibly cheap and available EVERYWHERE. They seem like a great option for a fun little treat for your dog, but unfortunately they are ones that we stay away from completely. The problem with a rawhide is because they aren't necessarily the highest quality, they can become mushy very quickly once the dogs start chewing. When they become mushy, they then become incredibly pliable, giving the dogs the ability to mold them into sharp edges or accidentally swallow whole pieces. The upcoming "Nice List" will give some of our favorite alternatives, but anytime your dog is gnashing away on a good bone, you'll want to keep an eye on their productivity. Once sharp edges show up and especially if you hear a piece crack off, go take a look at it and decide if you think play time is over for the time being.

The Nice List

While it may seem like I've just eliminated the most popular dog toys from our shopping cart, there are still plenty of other amazing toys out there that I know our little guys will love! Here are a few of Zido's favorite:

1. Tuffy Dog Toys

These toys can stand up against Zido The Ultimate Chewing Champion. They're strong, fun, and easy for either you or other dogs to hold onto. We like to get these as a replacement for traditional rope toys because they're tough (hence the name), they're easy to find, and they don't shred. Two of Zido's favorites are the shark and the lobster. Zido rating: 2 dewclaws up

2.. JW Dog Toys

These fun squeaky toys are a great alternative to tennis balls! They still bounce, they squeak, and they're smooth so no floss fear! This brand has a ton of different styles of toys and so far all of them have been a major success with the Zeester.

3. Antlers

Instead of rawhide bones, antlers are a super fun (albeit slightly expensive) chew toy for your dog. They're super tough and the marrow in the middle tastes delicious. If you know any hunters, you can always ask them to bring home any antlers they may find on the land. Some toy companies, like Nylabone, also have synthetic antlers that have all of the flavor and durability of a real antler, but with a slightly cheaper price tag.

I'm excited to be back up here and to start off the biggest year of my life (my wedding is in 7 days!!!) Feel free to leave a comment with any other topics you'd be interested in and thank you all for sticking with us!

Love and Blessings,

Zee and Me

Sick Bubba

So far on this blog, I've shared many positive and fun aspects of life with a service dog, as well as the dramatic daily interactions. But today's post is more about the day to day reality of my life with Zee. Unfortunately, I'm home sick for the 2nd day this week but for the first time it's not me who's sick. Zido's had an upset tummy for a few days and I took him to the vet when I found blood in his stool. The vet said on Monday that there doesn't appear to be any foreign objects or worrisome lumps so he gave me some meds to help with the colitis he's showing. We took Tuesday off and were able to go back to work yesterday, but by the end of the day, I could tell he wasn't doing very well. His personality was pretty down and he would lay down as soon as we were standing somewhere for more than 5 seconds. His appetite is still there (but let's be real, he's a lab. I'm pretty sure if we removed his stomach, he would still have an appetite...) but what's really worrying me is that he won't drink much water. I've been giving him ice but he's ducking away when I try to give him any normal water. We've been to the vet again today where they're testing him for other bacteria or foreign bodies, so I'm praying for fast results and an even faster recovery! They've also given him some fluids so I don't have to be too worried about dehydration. We're so blessed with the vet that we have because they take the whole picture into account. They don't just see a sick dog. They see a sick lifeline who's health affects more than just the dog. It impacts the partner's ability to go to work and the dog's ability to do his job.

Having a sick pet is already pretty heartbreaking because they're so innocent and you can't talk to them to figure it out. Having a sick service dog is almost devastating because he puts up such a stoic front when I know he just doesn't like showing me he's sick. His whole life is dedicated to making me healthy, so he's not used to being the one who needs help. Life with a service dog is an endless guessing game of "What are you trying to tell me?" It's staying home from work because the other half of you is sick. It's spending whatever needs to be spent to help him. It's being there for him like he's always been there for me. I wish I had something happier and peppier to share, but for now I'm just a worried mom. Please send up prayers for a fast recovery and good rest for my little man!

I'm hoping he feels better soon, because we have a big weekend ahead of us! On Saturday night, Zido and I will have the honor of sharing our story at CPL's annual Unleashed and Uncorked event! We're always so excited to give a personal testimony of the wonders of service dogs and what better venue than a fancy event where we get to play dress-up? Information for the event can be found here, so check it out! I can't wait to share with you all about it afterwards!

Love and blessings,
Zee and Me

7 Ways My Dog is Preparing Me for Marriage

Hi everyone! It's been quite some time since the last time I wrote, and there have been some MAJOR changes in my life. Remember that guy who sat with me through an alert and brought Zido a treat on our first date? Well I'm the lucky lady who gets to soon call that guy my husband! That's right! Zack, Zido, and I are tying the knot in early 2018! I so desperately want to share the proposal story, but I know that's not why you all are here. Long story short, the day before my birthday, Zack took me to dinner and then to the gazebo where he asked me to be his girlfriend. He distracted me with something he supposedly had on his phone and when I looked up, he was kneeling with the most beautiful ring in his hand. He said "Courtney, I love you so much and I'm not going to say a lot because I know you won't remember this," (side note true story: I don't remember a word he said after that...he had to remind me on our drive home...) "but I love you so much and I think you're so beautiful and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?" In the gazebo, I was squished behind a little Christmas tree and Zido was awkwardly between Zack and me, so I did everything in my power to jump over my service dog to get to Zack as I VERY emphatically said "Yes! Oh my gosh yes!"

Okay I guess long story not so short...but hey can you blame me?

PC: Christine Florence Photography

PC: Christine Florence Photography

PC: Christine Florence Photography

PC: Christine Florence Photography

PC: Christine Florence Photography

Zack and I will be engaged for a little over a year by the time we get married. We're taking this year to get as ready as we can for a journey no one can truly prepare for, but it's been hitting me lately how my years with Zido have continued to grow me as a single woman and as a new wife. I know I'm not married and I don't have a true understanding of what a marriage is until I'm in one, but here are 7 ways I'm using these years with Zido to prepare my heart and my mind for the strongest commitment I'll ever make:

1. Truly unconditional love. Dogs have often been said to be the epitome of unconditional love for their people. No matter how the person leaves the house or what the person says, dogs are always quick to forgive and quick to love. There will be (and have been!) times when Zack and I say something we don't mean or do something that hurts the other, but to be willing and able to truly forgive and grow from it with each other will lead to a marriage that grows us as individuals, as a couple, and as followers of Christ.
2. You before me. "What's yours is mine, what's mine is mine" is a funny little saying I learned at a young age and as the baby of the family, I definitely took that to heart...sorry big bro and big sis....but bringing that into a marriage is a poisonous recipe. No matter how tired he is or how hungry he is, Zido will ALWAYS alert me. He sleeps, for sure, but he never lowers his guard. He's woken up in the middle of the night to tell me something is wrong. He has immediately stopped playing when he sensed my heart rate was too fast. He does what he knows I need simply because he loves me and is committed to me. When I become a Williams, I need to be willing to sacrifice sleep, hunger, fun, time, and more for the growth of our marriage. I'm not saying I need to erase my wants and desires for those of Zack, but I need to put his needs and our family's needs above my own. I can't let my guard down for one moment. Just like a distraction can lead Zido to missing an alert with a potentially deadly result, so can a distraction from the vows we take lead to a deadly wedge in our marriage.
3. Truly become one. After almost 3 years with Zido, I honestly could not tell you what it would be like without him at my side. Last year, he had his teeth cleaned and I had to leave him for the short procedure. During those 45 minutes away, I felt like my left leg had suddenly disappeared. I never fully realized how much of a part of me he is until he was apart from me. After those vows are said, Zack and I are a team. There's no other way around it. We will have willingly stood in front of our closest family and friends to declare before them and God that we choose only each other for the rest of our earthly lives. Do team members fight? Yepp. Do team members always agree with each other? Nope. But in the end, do the team members have each others' backs when they're on the field? Always. I will always be on Team Zack whenever we're on the field of life (okay this is getting cheesy but you get the picture, right?) Sometimes that could mean we're each other's coach, other times we're the cheerleader, most of the time I'm sure it's going to feel like we're just lobbing a Hail Mary down the field hoping for the other to back us up. The point is, a team is only a team if they get rid of the "It's only about me" and realize "It's all about us"
4. Don't expect rewards. There are many things Zido does for me that he will look at me afterwards with those eyes that say "Okay mom...your turn. Treat me." And I will give him a click, a treat, and a good boy. I'll reward him for a job well done. However, there are certain things he does that are so integrated into the DNA of his being that he can't help himself but do them and never expects a praise for them! Not once has Zido looked at me after an alert, begging for a treat. He does it because he can't imagine not doing it. When people ask how he can smell my heart, the only answer I have is "Scientists have no clue. They think it's a smell, but they're not certain!" Alerting me is such an integral part of who Zido is that he can't help himself but alert. We need to come to marriage with the same mindset! I need to love Zack so fully and so completely that it doesn't always make sense, but it's just such a part of my heart that I can't help but show that love with no expectation of tangible rewards.
5. Work work work work work. (Did anyone else sing Rihanna with that?) Okay so I've mentioned the ooey gooey lovey dovey stuff, but let's be real. Marriage is work. A TON of work. It's constant trial and error, tensions, actions and repercussions, communication, challenges, fighting, forgiving, loving, choosing, and a million other "ing" words. I can't expect that if I don't work with Zido on his skills, or if I never train him on new things, or if I just leave him off harness for a few days that he's going to bounce back and do everything I ask him to do because he should just know it. No. I need to challenge him as he challenges me. I need to figure out what ways of communicating work for him so he truly understands what I'm trying to tell him. I need to CHOOSE to love him even when he's not doing a thing I ask him to do. I need to never expect he can read my mind. I need to spend time with him. I need to listen to him. I need to guide him as he guides me. I need to do what I can to help his growth as the service dog he's called to be. I need to never stop trying. Now thinking about that in regards to a dog is pretty easy because, I mean, he's adorable. And like we already said, he's going to naturally love me unconditionally. But how do I do that with another human? Don't get me wrong, he's pretty stinkin' adorable too. But unlike Zido, he can talk back and he can call me on stuff. I need to come into marriage with the same mindset that this whole marriage thing isn't going to just happen because, you know, a lot of people do it. This whole marriage thing happens when 2 people are willing to choose each other above and in spite of all else.
6. It's a partnership, not a job. I made the decision early on in my time with Zido that when people ask if he's in training or what he does, I tell him "He's my partner. He helps me with a medical condition." I feel like it's so important to bring to the marriage table that we're a partnership. We're not forced into this and we're not supposed to just "make it through the day." We've already mentioned the whole team thing, but Zack and I have to be a real partnership of support. It's definitely not going to come easy and there are going to be days where the work feels more like a job, but no matter what outside forces try to work against this, we are a packaged partnership. 
7. Find a support system! I'm so incredibly blessed to have a group of about 6 or so other men and women in the area I live that have dogs from CPL. We try to get together for the dogs' birthdays and have just recently attended what will hopefully become a training/skills building class every other month! This group is a safe place to come to and say "I have no idea what's going through his mind. Why won't he just listen to me?!" This last time, I was able to tell them about a habit Zido has started doing while we're at work and they gave me the super simple idea of giving him a chew toy if he ever feels bored! I have no fear of him missing an alert, even if he has an antler to chew on, but I never would have come to that without the advice of my support system. Marriage is the same! Shoot, ANY relationship is the same! I'm blessed to be a part of a weekly bible study with women in all stages of life. We know that no matter what, we can come to one another for advice, comfort, fun, and just to hear an outsider's perspective! Zack and I have also been intentional in trying to find matured married couples who can help guide us in this transition and who we can come to with questions, fears, joys, celebrations, hurt, anger, and all of the other emotions that marriage brings. We also have the blessing of 2 sets of parents who have been together our whole lives that we can look to. They know us better than we know ourselves, so I know they can give us honest advice for who we are!

There are SO many other aspects of a service dog partnership that relate to marriage. Like the fact that when other people have said to me about Zido (true story!) "Wait why do you get to pet him and I don't? That's not fair!" My response "....uh....because he's mine?" Maybe as we get closer to the wedding, I can share some more but for now we'll keep it to these.

I always have the intention of starting back up on my writing, but you'd be surprised at how hard it is to come up with read-worthy material! If you have any questions or topic suggestions, please feel free to comment them below and I can take a look at them!

Thank you all for the support you've shown me as I've started my partnership with Zido and for all of the love Zack and I have been shown during this entry into the biggest journey of our lives!

Love and blessings,

Zee and Me (and the other Z!)