Counting On

For those of you that know me or follow me on social media, you probably know that there have been two major dates that I've been counting down to and counting up from. Well, I'm here to tell you that the countDOWN is officially over! As of last Saturday, January 13th at about 1:30pm, I am now officially MRS. Courtney Williams. That's right! Zido and I walked down the aisle to the man of our dreams and walked back with a husband (and a dad!)

Our pictures should be ready in a few weeks, but until then, we received a few sneak peeks from the big day. Our photographer, Taylor Rose Photography, was an absolute and total Godsend. From the very first time we met her, we knew she was the perfect woman to capture our big day and some of the major days leading up to it with an engagement session AND a bridal session. Seriously, if you're getting married, check her out. She. Is. Amazing.

Now the thing to remember as an engaged couple is that no wedding is perfect. Ours had a song malfunction which made me walk down the aisle to silence, we had a unity cross that just did NOT want to get built, we had another song malfunction that made us not too sure when to leave the chapel, AND I got an alert that night which caused the reception to end about 30 minutes early! BUT, because of the imperfection, we had an absolutely perfect day that we shared with our friends and family. It was the ultimate day of displaying the love God has given us and celebrating the amazing journey we're now on.

Huge shoutout to Hitchcock Creative for the perfect invitations and programs!

Flats...because I can trip barefooted....

I cannot thank our friend, Danielle, and her service dog, Rollo, enough for creating the absolute most perfect bow tie and cufflinks for my main dog

Yeah...my husband's fun to look at... :)

The other major date that I've been counting UP from has been October 25, 2014 which was the day of my last episode. While our wedding was absolutely perfect and everything we could have dreamed of, it didn't come without some hardships. Only my parents, siblings, and Zack know about this, but I want to be sure that my followers can truly see what life with a service dog and a medical condition is like. At about 3pm on January 12th, my count-up restarted.

Weddings and wedding planning are by far one of the most stressful events someone can go through. Even though we had a year to plan and an incredibly supportive set of parents and friends who helped us every step of the way, there were still some stressers that just could not be avoided. Now, unfortunately, one of the only things we know for sure about my condition is that it's stress-induced. As I mentioned a while ago, happy stress, bad stress, and shock lead my body to overcompensate by just shutting down. The day before the wedding, there was a perfect storm of, to be quite honest, totally normal stresses that would make the average person just lay down for a bit and keep going. The other thing to note is that my way of handling the random disappointments or stresses of life is often times through crying. I cry when I'm happy, I cry when I'm sad, I cry when I'm confused and frustrated, I cry when Zido does something that's so cute I just can't handle it. Well, at this particular moment, I had already been upset at two events and was close to tears. When the third event happened very shortly after, it all turned. I was sitting on a bed with Zido and my sister and the buildup of everything quickly led me to hyperventilating. No, Zido didn't alert before this, but there was honestly nothing to really alert to. My body went from upset to catastrophic in a matter of seconds, but as soon as that shift happened, Zido was on it.

I was trying to catch a breath, but at the beginning of an episode my muscles start to stiffen. Your diaphragm is a muscle, so breathing becomes incredibly difficult. At this point, Zido had gotten in front of me, jumped up to his back legs and landed his front legs on my shoulders to force me to lay down before he began licking my face. For some reason, my hands, arms, feet, and legs become catatonic-like and are unable to be easily moved, but are incredibly painful. As my sister and parents began massaging each of the body parts, Zido went from laying on my abdomen, creating a kind of heated pressure blanket, to licking my face, to laying his head on the leg that was hurting the most. At one point, my family saw that both arms, both hands, and one leg were relaxed, however Zido would not get off of my right leg when they tried to call him. My parents looked and saw that he was laying on my ankle, which was still stiff and incredibly painful. Once they were able to get it to relax, Zido finally moved and came up to lay by me.

I was able to rest for a little bit, but still had to get to the church for our rehearsal. It was an incredibly disheartening moment for me because it was a smack in the face that this condition isn't going anywhere. It may have been 1,175 days since my last episode, but it's still there lurking. I've never wanted to be someone that looks for pity or who flaunts having a medical condition, but the reality is that this thing is sticking around.

HOWEVER,

the blessing of knowing that there is an army of support behind me and the most amazing service dog beside me gives me the hope of knowing that it's going to be okay. I may be back down to day 9 of being episode free, but hey, that's 9 days of health and freedom!

I want to thank everyone for all of the amazing love and support as I've stepped into this new role as a "wife" (seriously, what?) and I'm really looking forward to all of the adventures and stories that are to come. As always, feel free to leave a comment if you have any questions or topic suggestions!

Love and blessings,
Zee and Me

7 Ways My Dog is Preparing Me for Marriage

Hi everyone! It's been quite some time since the last time I wrote, and there have been some MAJOR changes in my life. Remember that guy who sat with me through an alert and brought Zido a treat on our first date? Well I'm the lucky lady who gets to soon call that guy my husband! That's right! Zack, Zido, and I are tying the knot in early 2018! I so desperately want to share the proposal story, but I know that's not why you all are here. Long story short, the day before my birthday, Zack took me to dinner and then to the gazebo where he asked me to be his girlfriend. He distracted me with something he supposedly had on his phone and when I looked up, he was kneeling with the most beautiful ring in his hand. He said "Courtney, I love you so much and I'm not going to say a lot because I know you won't remember this," (side note true story: I don't remember a word he said after that...he had to remind me on our drive home...) "but I love you so much and I think you're so beautiful and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?" In the gazebo, I was squished behind a little Christmas tree and Zido was awkwardly between Zack and me, so I did everything in my power to jump over my service dog to get to Zack as I VERY emphatically said "Yes! Oh my gosh yes!"

Okay I guess long story not so short...but hey can you blame me?

PC: Christine Florence Photography

PC: Christine Florence Photography

PC: Christine Florence Photography

PC: Christine Florence Photography

PC: Christine Florence Photography

Zack and I will be engaged for a little over a year by the time we get married. We're taking this year to get as ready as we can for a journey no one can truly prepare for, but it's been hitting me lately how my years with Zido have continued to grow me as a single woman and as a new wife. I know I'm not married and I don't have a true understanding of what a marriage is until I'm in one, but here are 7 ways I'm using these years with Zido to prepare my heart and my mind for the strongest commitment I'll ever make:

1. Truly unconditional love. Dogs have often been said to be the epitome of unconditional love for their people. No matter how the person leaves the house or what the person says, dogs are always quick to forgive and quick to love. There will be (and have been!) times when Zack and I say something we don't mean or do something that hurts the other, but to be willing and able to truly forgive and grow from it with each other will lead to a marriage that grows us as individuals, as a couple, and as followers of Christ.
2. You before me. "What's yours is mine, what's mine is mine" is a funny little saying I learned at a young age and as the baby of the family, I definitely took that to heart...sorry big bro and big sis....but bringing that into a marriage is a poisonous recipe. No matter how tired he is or how hungry he is, Zido will ALWAYS alert me. He sleeps, for sure, but he never lowers his guard. He's woken up in the middle of the night to tell me something is wrong. He has immediately stopped playing when he sensed my heart rate was too fast. He does what he knows I need simply because he loves me and is committed to me. When I become a Williams, I need to be willing to sacrifice sleep, hunger, fun, time, and more for the growth of our marriage. I'm not saying I need to erase my wants and desires for those of Zack, but I need to put his needs and our family's needs above my own. I can't let my guard down for one moment. Just like a distraction can lead Zido to missing an alert with a potentially deadly result, so can a distraction from the vows we take lead to a deadly wedge in our marriage.
3. Truly become one. After almost 3 years with Zido, I honestly could not tell you what it would be like without him at my side. Last year, he had his teeth cleaned and I had to leave him for the short procedure. During those 45 minutes away, I felt like my left leg had suddenly disappeared. I never fully realized how much of a part of me he is until he was apart from me. After those vows are said, Zack and I are a team. There's no other way around it. We will have willingly stood in front of our closest family and friends to declare before them and God that we choose only each other for the rest of our earthly lives. Do team members fight? Yepp. Do team members always agree with each other? Nope. But in the end, do the team members have each others' backs when they're on the field? Always. I will always be on Team Zack whenever we're on the field of life (okay this is getting cheesy but you get the picture, right?) Sometimes that could mean we're each other's coach, other times we're the cheerleader, most of the time I'm sure it's going to feel like we're just lobbing a Hail Mary down the field hoping for the other to back us up. The point is, a team is only a team if they get rid of the "It's only about me" and realize "It's all about us"
4. Don't expect rewards. There are many things Zido does for me that he will look at me afterwards with those eyes that say "Okay mom...your turn. Treat me." And I will give him a click, a treat, and a good boy. I'll reward him for a job well done. However, there are certain things he does that are so integrated into the DNA of his being that he can't help himself but do them and never expects a praise for them! Not once has Zido looked at me after an alert, begging for a treat. He does it because he can't imagine not doing it. When people ask how he can smell my heart, the only answer I have is "Scientists have no clue. They think it's a smell, but they're not certain!" Alerting me is such an integral part of who Zido is that he can't help himself but alert. We need to come to marriage with the same mindset! I need to love Zack so fully and so completely that it doesn't always make sense, but it's just such a part of my heart that I can't help but show that love with no expectation of tangible rewards.
5. Work work work work work. (Did anyone else sing Rihanna with that?) Okay so I've mentioned the ooey gooey lovey dovey stuff, but let's be real. Marriage is work. A TON of work. It's constant trial and error, tensions, actions and repercussions, communication, challenges, fighting, forgiving, loving, choosing, and a million other "ing" words. I can't expect that if I don't work with Zido on his skills, or if I never train him on new things, or if I just leave him off harness for a few days that he's going to bounce back and do everything I ask him to do because he should just know it. No. I need to challenge him as he challenges me. I need to figure out what ways of communicating work for him so he truly understands what I'm trying to tell him. I need to CHOOSE to love him even when he's not doing a thing I ask him to do. I need to never expect he can read my mind. I need to spend time with him. I need to listen to him. I need to guide him as he guides me. I need to do what I can to help his growth as the service dog he's called to be. I need to never stop trying. Now thinking about that in regards to a dog is pretty easy because, I mean, he's adorable. And like we already said, he's going to naturally love me unconditionally. But how do I do that with another human? Don't get me wrong, he's pretty stinkin' adorable too. But unlike Zido, he can talk back and he can call me on stuff. I need to come into marriage with the same mindset that this whole marriage thing isn't going to just happen because, you know, a lot of people do it. This whole marriage thing happens when 2 people are willing to choose each other above and in spite of all else.
6. It's a partnership, not a job. I made the decision early on in my time with Zido that when people ask if he's in training or what he does, I tell him "He's my partner. He helps me with a medical condition." I feel like it's so important to bring to the marriage table that we're a partnership. We're not forced into this and we're not supposed to just "make it through the day." We've already mentioned the whole team thing, but Zack and I have to be a real partnership of support. It's definitely not going to come easy and there are going to be days where the work feels more like a job, but no matter what outside forces try to work against this, we are a packaged partnership. 
7. Find a support system! I'm so incredibly blessed to have a group of about 6 or so other men and women in the area I live that have dogs from CPL. We try to get together for the dogs' birthdays and have just recently attended what will hopefully become a training/skills building class every other month! This group is a safe place to come to and say "I have no idea what's going through his mind. Why won't he just listen to me?!" This last time, I was able to tell them about a habit Zido has started doing while we're at work and they gave me the super simple idea of giving him a chew toy if he ever feels bored! I have no fear of him missing an alert, even if he has an antler to chew on, but I never would have come to that without the advice of my support system. Marriage is the same! Shoot, ANY relationship is the same! I'm blessed to be a part of a weekly bible study with women in all stages of life. We know that no matter what, we can come to one another for advice, comfort, fun, and just to hear an outsider's perspective! Zack and I have also been intentional in trying to find matured married couples who can help guide us in this transition and who we can come to with questions, fears, joys, celebrations, hurt, anger, and all of the other emotions that marriage brings. We also have the blessing of 2 sets of parents who have been together our whole lives that we can look to. They know us better than we know ourselves, so I know they can give us honest advice for who we are!

There are SO many other aspects of a service dog partnership that relate to marriage. Like the fact that when other people have said to me about Zido (true story!) "Wait why do you get to pet him and I don't? That's not fair!" My response "....uh....because he's mine?" Maybe as we get closer to the wedding, I can share some more but for now we'll keep it to these.

I always have the intention of starting back up on my writing, but you'd be surprised at how hard it is to come up with read-worthy material! If you have any questions or topic suggestions, please feel free to comment them below and I can take a look at them!

Thank you all for the support you've shown me as I've started my partnership with Zido and for all of the love Zack and I have been shown during this entry into the biggest journey of our lives!

Love and blessings,

Zee and Me (and the other Z!)