7 Ways My Dog is Preparing Me for Marriage

Hi everyone! It's been quite some time since the last time I wrote, and there have been some MAJOR changes in my life. Remember that guy who sat with me through an alert and brought Zido a treat on our first date? Well I'm the lucky lady who gets to soon call that guy my husband! That's right! Zack, Zido, and I are tying the knot in early 2018! I so desperately want to share the proposal story, but I know that's not why you all are here. Long story short, the day before my birthday, Zack took me to dinner and then to the gazebo where he asked me to be his girlfriend. He distracted me with something he supposedly had on his phone and when I looked up, he was kneeling with the most beautiful ring in his hand. He said "Courtney, I love you so much and I'm not going to say a lot because I know you won't remember this," (side note true story: I don't remember a word he said after that...he had to remind me on our drive home...) "but I love you so much and I think you're so beautiful and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?" In the gazebo, I was squished behind a little Christmas tree and Zido was awkwardly between Zack and me, so I did everything in my power to jump over my service dog to get to Zack as I VERY emphatically said "Yes! Oh my gosh yes!"

Okay I guess long story not so short...but hey can you blame me?

PC: Christine Florence Photography

PC: Christine Florence Photography

PC: Christine Florence Photography

PC: Christine Florence Photography

PC: Christine Florence Photography

Zack and I will be engaged for a little over a year by the time we get married. We're taking this year to get as ready as we can for a journey no one can truly prepare for, but it's been hitting me lately how my years with Zido have continued to grow me as a single woman and as a new wife. I know I'm not married and I don't have a true understanding of what a marriage is until I'm in one, but here are 7 ways I'm using these years with Zido to prepare my heart and my mind for the strongest commitment I'll ever make:

1. Truly unconditional love. Dogs have often been said to be the epitome of unconditional love for their people. No matter how the person leaves the house or what the person says, dogs are always quick to forgive and quick to love. There will be (and have been!) times when Zack and I say something we don't mean or do something that hurts the other, but to be willing and able to truly forgive and grow from it with each other will lead to a marriage that grows us as individuals, as a couple, and as followers of Christ.
2. You before me. "What's yours is mine, what's mine is mine" is a funny little saying I learned at a young age and as the baby of the family, I definitely took that to heart...sorry big bro and big sis....but bringing that into a marriage is a poisonous recipe. No matter how tired he is or how hungry he is, Zido will ALWAYS alert me. He sleeps, for sure, but he never lowers his guard. He's woken up in the middle of the night to tell me something is wrong. He has immediately stopped playing when he sensed my heart rate was too fast. He does what he knows I need simply because he loves me and is committed to me. When I become a Williams, I need to be willing to sacrifice sleep, hunger, fun, time, and more for the growth of our marriage. I'm not saying I need to erase my wants and desires for those of Zack, but I need to put his needs and our family's needs above my own. I can't let my guard down for one moment. Just like a distraction can lead Zido to missing an alert with a potentially deadly result, so can a distraction from the vows we take lead to a deadly wedge in our marriage.
3. Truly become one. After almost 3 years with Zido, I honestly could not tell you what it would be like without him at my side. Last year, he had his teeth cleaned and I had to leave him for the short procedure. During those 45 minutes away, I felt like my left leg had suddenly disappeared. I never fully realized how much of a part of me he is until he was apart from me. After those vows are said, Zack and I are a team. There's no other way around it. We will have willingly stood in front of our closest family and friends to declare before them and God that we choose only each other for the rest of our earthly lives. Do team members fight? Yepp. Do team members always agree with each other? Nope. But in the end, do the team members have each others' backs when they're on the field? Always. I will always be on Team Zack whenever we're on the field of life (okay this is getting cheesy but you get the picture, right?) Sometimes that could mean we're each other's coach, other times we're the cheerleader, most of the time I'm sure it's going to feel like we're just lobbing a Hail Mary down the field hoping for the other to back us up. The point is, a team is only a team if they get rid of the "It's only about me" and realize "It's all about us"
4. Don't expect rewards. There are many things Zido does for me that he will look at me afterwards with those eyes that say "Okay mom...your turn. Treat me." And I will give him a click, a treat, and a good boy. I'll reward him for a job well done. However, there are certain things he does that are so integrated into the DNA of his being that he can't help himself but do them and never expects a praise for them! Not once has Zido looked at me after an alert, begging for a treat. He does it because he can't imagine not doing it. When people ask how he can smell my heart, the only answer I have is "Scientists have no clue. They think it's a smell, but they're not certain!" Alerting me is such an integral part of who Zido is that he can't help himself but alert. We need to come to marriage with the same mindset! I need to love Zack so fully and so completely that it doesn't always make sense, but it's just such a part of my heart that I can't help but show that love with no expectation of tangible rewards.
5. Work work work work work. (Did anyone else sing Rihanna with that?) Okay so I've mentioned the ooey gooey lovey dovey stuff, but let's be real. Marriage is work. A TON of work. It's constant trial and error, tensions, actions and repercussions, communication, challenges, fighting, forgiving, loving, choosing, and a million other "ing" words. I can't expect that if I don't work with Zido on his skills, or if I never train him on new things, or if I just leave him off harness for a few days that he's going to bounce back and do everything I ask him to do because he should just know it. No. I need to challenge him as he challenges me. I need to figure out what ways of communicating work for him so he truly understands what I'm trying to tell him. I need to CHOOSE to love him even when he's not doing a thing I ask him to do. I need to never expect he can read my mind. I need to spend time with him. I need to listen to him. I need to guide him as he guides me. I need to do what I can to help his growth as the service dog he's called to be. I need to never stop trying. Now thinking about that in regards to a dog is pretty easy because, I mean, he's adorable. And like we already said, he's going to naturally love me unconditionally. But how do I do that with another human? Don't get me wrong, he's pretty stinkin' adorable too. But unlike Zido, he can talk back and he can call me on stuff. I need to come into marriage with the same mindset that this whole marriage thing isn't going to just happen because, you know, a lot of people do it. This whole marriage thing happens when 2 people are willing to choose each other above and in spite of all else.
6. It's a partnership, not a job. I made the decision early on in my time with Zido that when people ask if he's in training or what he does, I tell him "He's my partner. He helps me with a medical condition." I feel like it's so important to bring to the marriage table that we're a partnership. We're not forced into this and we're not supposed to just "make it through the day." We've already mentioned the whole team thing, but Zack and I have to be a real partnership of support. It's definitely not going to come easy and there are going to be days where the work feels more like a job, but no matter what outside forces try to work against this, we are a packaged partnership. 
7. Find a support system! I'm so incredibly blessed to have a group of about 6 or so other men and women in the area I live that have dogs from CPL. We try to get together for the dogs' birthdays and have just recently attended what will hopefully become a training/skills building class every other month! This group is a safe place to come to and say "I have no idea what's going through his mind. Why won't he just listen to me?!" This last time, I was able to tell them about a habit Zido has started doing while we're at work and they gave me the super simple idea of giving him a chew toy if he ever feels bored! I have no fear of him missing an alert, even if he has an antler to chew on, but I never would have come to that without the advice of my support system. Marriage is the same! Shoot, ANY relationship is the same! I'm blessed to be a part of a weekly bible study with women in all stages of life. We know that no matter what, we can come to one another for advice, comfort, fun, and just to hear an outsider's perspective! Zack and I have also been intentional in trying to find matured married couples who can help guide us in this transition and who we can come to with questions, fears, joys, celebrations, hurt, anger, and all of the other emotions that marriage brings. We also have the blessing of 2 sets of parents who have been together our whole lives that we can look to. They know us better than we know ourselves, so I know they can give us honest advice for who we are!

There are SO many other aspects of a service dog partnership that relate to marriage. Like the fact that when other people have said to me about Zido (true story!) "Wait why do you get to pet him and I don't? That's not fair!" My response "....uh....because he's mine?" Maybe as we get closer to the wedding, I can share some more but for now we'll keep it to these.

I always have the intention of starting back up on my writing, but you'd be surprised at how hard it is to come up with read-worthy material! If you have any questions or topic suggestions, please feel free to comment them below and I can take a look at them!

Thank you all for the support you've shown me as I've started my partnership with Zido and for all of the love Zack and I have been shown during this entry into the biggest journey of our lives!

Love and blessings,

Zee and Me (and the other Z!)

Two for One Special: Dating with a Service Dog

    So you might be chuckling at this topic, but I know that some people out there probably wonder "What's it like to date with a service dog at your side 24/7?" or even "What's it like to DATE someone with a service dog by their side 24/7?" No judgement at all, because I actually thought the same thing when I realized I was getting a dog. So here's our story and hopefully you love it as much as I do...

   For those of you that have been following our story from the beginning, you might remember that I was in a relationship at the time I was partnered with Zido. Well (for completely unrelated reasons!) soon after I came home with Zido, that relationship ended. I was then faced with the thought of "Who the heck is going to want to be with me now?" I knew of plenty of other service dog partners who were in relationships, but I couldn't think of any that began AFTER the service dog entered the picture. So, as you can imagine, I thought for sure it was just going to be me and Zido from now on, because who would willingly want to be with someone who has a "beacon of difference" next to them all the time?

   After a little bit, I started talking to a guy, but that quickly fell through. Then I started talking to another guy, and that eventually fell through, too. To both of their credits, the talking didn't end because of Zido; they both knew I had him and each told me they were fine with it. There just wasn't the connection that should be there in a romantic relationship with either of them.

   Then came Zack. We had known each other for over a year, but just as friends. We started texting a little bit and eventually decided to hang out to play pool and ping pong. It was truly one of the best "hang outs" I've ever had. A little bit into the night, the ping pong ball went out of bounds and flew over this little moveable half-wall. Zack is a little over 6' tall, so he was able to go over it with no problem. I, on the other hand, couldn't. I also forgot that I was wearing jeans and that I'm only 5' 5". Needless to say, I did not make it over the wall and instead tripped over it, bringing the wall down with me. It was absolutely humiliating, but after realizing I was okay, we both busted out laughing. Then, to add to the embarrassment of the moment, one of my biggest "date fears" happened...Zido alerted. I wasn't sure how Zack was going to react to me having to sit against the wall while my dog sat on me in front of the other people in the room. It was a pleasant surprise, then, when he immediately just sat down next to me and continued talking like nothing was wrong. I was hooked.

   We hung out more and more after that, and eventually it came time for our first "official" date. He asked me to go out on a Saturday night and told me to wear something I felt nice in. When he picked us up, he had a single rose for me,and he told me to give it to Zido so he could hand it to me. He also mentioned that he had a surprise for Zido when our date was done. He took me to Jackson 20 in Old Town Alexandria, which was one of the coolest restaurants I've ever been to.

Zido giving me Zack's rose

   It was a dessert date, so while we were there we each ordered a dessert and some wine. The food was remarkable but what I'll remember most from the date was the wine. Both of us like a sweeter wine, so when we asked the waiter what he recommended, he told us about this one particular dessert wine. We had never tried it and I told Zack it was too expensive, but he said it was fine and ordered two. When the waiter came out and we saw how completely and utterly SMALL the glasses were, we both immediately started cracking up.

It was seriously smaller than a shot...

   After we had finished very slowly sipping on the wine, Zack got the check and we left. When we got out of the restaurant, he said it was time for Zido's surprise. I asked what it was and he told me he had gone to this dog-bakery and bought him a few special dog-desserts so he wouldn't feel left out of the date!! Ladies...I swear my heart just burst. It was so sweet of him to think of Zido and I couldn't even get the words out to tell him how much it meant to me. Then we walked around Old Town and ended up in this creepy cemetery. We were just walking through but got really freaked out when Zido kept intensely staring at this one spot and there wasn't ANYTHING there! So we very quickly left...

   All in all it was one of the most special nights of my life because it showed me how normal I can feel as a woman with a service dog. When Zack eventually asked me to be his girlfriend a few months later, he made sure to include Zido and has never once said anything about Zido being embarrassing or wishing that I didn't have him with me. If anything, Zack is more protective of Zido in public than I am; he hasn't been afraid to say something to people that make rude comments about Zido and me. Zack and I will be together for a year in June and I can really say that with my two Z's next to me, I've never felt more loved or more protected.

   I know, this was a super cheesy post, but it was important to me to show that people with service dogs can (AND DO) live incredibly normal lives. We go on dates, we go to school, we get jobs, we fight, we cry (by the way, Zido is such a typical guy and has NO clue what to do when I'm sobbing. I look up and see that he has brought me almost all of his toys and is just staring at me like "Ummm does this help?"), and we laugh. I have been so blessed to find someone who accepts me for everything that I come with and has accepted Zido into our lives.

   Here are some pictures of my time with Zack and Zido. Coming up next on Zee and Me: "Zido Turns 4: A Doggie Birthday Party!"

Helping out at an event at The Kennedy Center with my boys

On Aug 8, 2015, we had a day at the park to celebrate the anniversary of me being partnered with Zido

All dressed up for Halloween with my scarecrow and not-so-cowardly lion

Playing in the snow in Wisconsin

Easter 2016 :)

Love and blessings,
Zee and Me